


Decay

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Dystopia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sibling Incest, Urban Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 16:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 32,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5935159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the modern world, magic users are feared and hated, registered and monitored.</p><p>Loki left his real life behind some time ago, hiding his past and his powers away.</p><p>But life has never exactly been far behind him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Night is magical, always has been and always will be, even in the heart of the city where magic was either shoved underground or dragged kicking and screaming into the spotlight.

Puddles glowed orange and red, single windows illuminated in cavernous blocks like watching eyes as Loki ran and ran, splashing through them.

He had a rendezvous with a reliable dealer, but something had evidently gone wrong. It was a sting. He'd spotted the nervous men immediately and tried to walk calmly, slowly, innocently, until one of them had turned, stun gun in hand, and then he'd bolted. There was no choice.

He sprinted round the corner, the men still far behind as he leapt into a derelict building, scaffolding protecting the front and warning signs flapping in the wind.

The powder was dry in his pocket, kept safe from the pouring rain in a small plastic bag and Loki hurriedly hurled it into his scrying bowl. All around him, water was leaking down from above, drips echoing as they hit off the metal supports. It probably wasn't safe to be up here. Then again, nowhere was really safe for him. He was an unregistered, a fugitive, and they were hunting him again.

Swirling his bowl, he tried to angle himself to the streetlight, to see more clearly. There they were, coming down the street. The authority. The chasers. With any luck, they wouldn't look up, wouldn't expect him to be hiding up here. Who would climb into a dangerous building after all?

But then he recognised one of them and his heart almost stopped.

Thor... Thor so nearby and with _them._

The image of him became more steady as he stopped, though still distorted by the strange nighttime lighting, and Loki realised with a jolt that he was just outside. He was turning, he was looking upwards.

 _"Hang on,"_ the vision said.

"Hang on," he heard from barely a hundred yards away and someone activated the yard lights.

Panicking, Loki vanished the scry and scrambled to hide, climbing hand over trembling hand to a slightly elevated level. But he was curious, so curious to see Thor again and so he tried to see, found a gap in the wooden walkway and lay upon it to peer through. His shadow would be less obvious lying down, he told himself.

And there was Thor. Just the top of his perfect head, hair dulled by how wet it was. He was cautious, taking each step with great care, expecting a trap. There hadn't been time to set one, even if Loki had wanted to.

Thor approached the bowl - oh, stupid, stupid to leave it there, now he'd never see it again - and carefully ran a finger through its contents. There was a light crackle that set Loki's teeth on edge, a heavy change in the air like oil in the atmosphere and Thor gasped.

"It's you," he said softly. "God, it's you."

He looked around and Loki tensed, ready to run again if he had to.

"Come out?" Thor said, voice thicker now, like he was close to tears. "Please?"

A trick. It had to be. Loki stayed exactly where he was, holding his breath as Thor almost sniffed the air. Seeking him out. Hunting him down.

"Loki," he whispered. "I know it's you. I'd know my brother's magic anywhere. Stop hiding, I can help you..."

No, no, no, he was one of _them_ now, he was not trustworthy.

A clanking sound had Thor spinning, nudging Loki's scrying bowl under some heavy plastic sheeting, out of sight.

"Any sign?" one of the other hunters asked.

"No," Thor said. "I thought I heard something, but it's probably just the rain or a cat or... Let's keep moving. We're wasting time here."

They left, turning out the lights, and Loki breathed for what felt like the first time in hours. He rolled onto his back and felt the rain upon his face, his already sodden clothes hardly mattering.

Thor... After all this time. How many years was it? Three? Four? He couldn't remember.

So long since he had run away and broken both their hearts. Even now, tears flowed. He couldn't help it.

After a few minutes, he climbed back down and retrieved his bowl, looking at the faint residue left behind where Thor had touched it.

There would be no trace of him there, not really, and yet Loki found himself staring at the little mark for far longer than he ought to.

And then he carefully tipped the bowl out and ran for home.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki was fourteen when he was sent to live with his father, a man he had never met. He knew who Odin was, of course. He'd heard about him often enough. But Odin hadn't been aware that he existed, not in so many words.

Odin appeared on the news fairly often. He was Speaker of the House of Commons, the first magic user ever to hold the office. Smart of them, really. It was essentially a ceremonial role that would placate the magical rights lobby a little without actually giving them any power, and he would be there for decades for the government to point at and say 'Look, if you do what we say and know your place and accept that life just isn't fair, you could be just like Odin Borson.' 

Loki's mother would point him out and tell Loki that the surly man with the permanent scowl was his biological father. She'd divined it, she said. He went through stages where he did and didn't believe her in turn. Certainly, his friends at school did not believe it.

"Odin Borson can't be your father," they said when they were young and innocent. "He's not married to you mother."

"Odin Borson can't be your father," they said a little later. "You don't look anything like him."

"Odin Borson can't be your father," they said eventually. "He never even met your mother."

And that was true. He never had. Because no matter what they said, no matter what they claimed, no matter his position, Odin Borson was a registered magic user and that meant he had duties to perform. Duties that Loki had been running from forever.

Of course, Odin's position had not come without perks. He was allowed to marry for love, and it had been for love even though his wife was one of the most powerful magic wielders in all of Europe, exactly the woman the authorities wanted him to wed. That had worked out rather well for everyone at first.

For all that they feared and hated such people, the government wanted magic users very, very badly. They could be extremely useful for industry, for emergency relief, for arable production, for the military... The whole world was caught up in a breeding arms race, pushing the most powerful mages together to produce stronger and stronger children. It was not generally a choice.

Little Loki's heart had broken when he realised and never fully healed. He was not born of love between two people as all his friends were. He was not even the product of a night of sordid passion. No emotional or physical connection had brought him into being.

He was born because Odin and Frigga, two of the most powerful magic users in the country had had a child and that child showed no signs of magic.

In normal circumstances, the marriage would be dissolved by the state and new spouses sought. But this was Odin Borson. He lived his life in front of cameras. The government could not tear his family apart without stirring dangerous sympathies for potentially dangerous people.

And so a deal was made; Odin would be allowed to stay with his wife and child on the condition that he would produce more children. A donation. Giving back to the society that was being so kind to him. Totally anonymously, of course.

Loki was the result. A tube sent in the post, an uncomfortable day in a clinic for his mother and nine months later a powerful mage child. Just the kind they wanted, strong and inventive, clever and innovative.

They couldn't let him be taken into care when Laufey died at the end of a long illness. He'd fall through the cracks. Who would want to adopt a child who could tear a house apart with the wave of a hand? And so they broke their promise to Odin and told him of one of his children, all but ordered him to take the boy in.

And so he had, all awkwardness and false apologies, fake adoption story and Loki had hated everything.

Well... Almost everything.

At least there had been Thor. For all the misery his life had contained, there was Thor. Thor who at just over a year older had tried his best to welcome him, who had been an unexpected brother, who had borne the blows of his rage and jealousy at how easy life had been to him with quiet grace and who had held him close so often when it all grew too much.

He could not imagine a life without Thor by his side.

And so when eventually they came to be separated, he had run and never stopped, leaving his real life behind.


	3. Chapter 3

His key got stuck in the lock on the first try. It always did.

"Darling?" Amora called, her faint accent rolling on the R like a purr.

It's code. Their relationship was strictly one of convenience. He needed a new identity and she needed a husband. She was registered, though fraudulently at that, more powerful than the government knew and, of course, Loki had a completely fake, magic-less life. With such apparent low levels of magic, she was able to apply to marry a non-mage and avoid being used as a convenient womb for whoever's child the government were more interested in. For now, at least. A greeting like that meant there was someone else here.

They ran a fortune-telling and crystal healing boutique, strictly recreational, at least according to the licences displayed on the walls and the entirely benign candles and incense lining the shelves. They lived upstairs from it and played their part in the community. Friendly. Neighbourly. Harmless. They attended all the street parties and local political meetings and always spent generously at fundraisers. No-one suspected that they were anything more than they seemed, an eccentric, New Age, mixed-power couple.

Amora appeared and kissed him easily, like a veil brushing his face.

"Darling, you're soaked."

"Well, you weren't there to keep me dry and I forgot my umbrella. A hot bath and I'll be alright."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Well, make sure to say hello to the inspector before you go up."

Ah, so that's what was bothering her. A stranger in their home. A potentially dangerous one. The inspection of their premises happened annually, but randomly. They had to be constantly prepared and have all the real magical paraphernalia locked away and hidden during business hours.

"Evening," Loki said brightly from the hall as he hung up his dripping coat, scrying bowl and powder safely tucked away in concealed inner pockets.

"Lopt Silbern?"

"That's right. What can I do for you?"

"You're not registered..."

It was like reciting a play. He'd done this so many times.

"No. I'm afraid I don't have the talents my wife does, alas. Might be good for business if I could make a few sparks, but I don't manage so much as a bit of heat. I leave the impressive stuff to her."

He could see the man's eyes flicking over their carefully staged pictures, noting just how beautiful Amora was. Almost made up for her being one of _them..._

He'd been asked more than once what it was like being married to one of _them._ Men he thought were perfectly unbigoted would suddenly lean over and ask in the pub, curious and slightly leering. Is it scary? Does she do strange things to you? Are you scared that she's controlling you? How would you know? And, of course, what's the sex like?

And he always laughed. He'd seen it all. He'd seen the porn. 'Mage bitch throws sparks wen she cums' and all that, 30-year-olds dressed like they're 16, badly CGI'd lightning bolts accompanying equally fake orgasms because they were too scared to find a real magic user and find out that they climaxed pretty much the same way as anyone else.

"It's sex, man," he always said in answer. "It's private."

The inspector shuffled some papers around and asked him to sign a few things.

"Right. Thank you. I'll have your licence renewal sent out soon enough. Have a good evening."

Loki thanked him in turn and double locked the door when he left.

"Where were you?" Amora demanded. "You know I'm not as subtle as you. I thought for sure he'd see me switching things. Plus your dinner was sitting out on the table, which was suspicious as hell."

"I'm sorry. Delivery never showed and I got tailed on my way home. Don't worry. I lost them easily enough. Can you put it in the fridge for me? I'm not hungry. And I really do want that bath."

She didn't seem entirely convinced but let him go, watching as he headed upstairs. He ran the bath to cover the noise as he pulled off the plastic front facade and took up a floorboard.

Running away and cutting ties didn't mean totally burning bridges. He still had a little bit of an insurance policy, just in case. But he hadn't dared touch anything from beneath the bath in years.

This powder turned the water red, swirling beneath his fingers, iron oxide sparking off. And then he could reach for the comb and the precious golden strands trapped in it.

Just one. And just this once. They were limited after all. He threw a single hair into the turbulent water, holding his breath for what he was about to see.

An image rose in the steam. Thor. He looked older than the four years that had passed ought to have left him. And he was in a very scant home, basic furniture and not much sign of a personality. Very different to the cluttered and lived-in style that he and Amora favoured.

He looked sad. He looked lost and alone. And Loki's heart ached horribly. That was his fault, really. But then again, if he hadn't done it, they'd still be separate, they'd still be miserable, but this way at least he was free.

Better to be free and sad than in a cage and heartbroken every day.

And if he had to tell himself that over and over and over constantly, then that's what he would do.

In the vision, Thor suddenly looked up, frowning and staring right into Loki's eyes as if he knew he was being watched and Loki panicked, vanishing the spell instantly and panting.

Ridiculous. He couldn't know. Thor might be able to recognise his magic close up, but from this distance? Not even Odin could have done that. Not even Frigga. It was just coincidence that Thor had happened to look up at just that moment. It had to be.

Sighing, Loki stripped off his soaking clothes, threw some bubbles into his bath and climbed in, trying hard not to think about Thor and how different things might have been for them in another life.

The water was still red against his skin, flowing in rivulets over him, rushing off with every movement.

He wished his memories washed away so easily.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki was seventeen when he got his first taste of the underground.

He and Thor were at university, even if Loki just scraped through getting in, especially going a year early so he could stay with his brother. Odin had resolutely sent them to state school, which was fine, but convincing them to let him take his final exams early had been difficult. Then again, with his record, they were quite glad to be rid of him.

There was a magic society for the students. Of course there was, there was an everything society. But the underground wasn't part of that. It was whisper and rumour and soon Loki found himself curiously sneaking out of the flat he and Thor shared - no halls of residence for them - and heading to where he'd heard the meeting was happening. He just wanted to see. Wanted to know if the whispers were true.

It was held an abandoned warehouse, empty and dusty, probably due to be knocked down or converted into tiny, overpriced flats, and inside were maybe fifteen people, folding leaflets.

Leaflets with Odin's face on them.

"What's this?" he asked, voice sounding too loud in the quiet, suddenly acutely aware that he was very young and very alone.

One of the men turned to him and looked him up and down.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"

Loki flinched and stammered, not expecting aggression, certainly not right away.

"I... I heard this was for mages?"

"It is. Not sons of traitors."

Loki stared at him and his eyes flicked to the leaflets.

"How is he a traitor?"

The man sighed angrily, more of a huff.

"Oh, leave him alone, Sam," a girl said from floor level. "He's just a kid."

"Yeah. Borson's adopted kid. How's he a traitor? Well, when's the last time he did anything for us? He climbed that ladder and dragged it up after him and we're meant to see him as some kind of rolemodel? Please. He could make a difference, but he'd rather keep what he has and abandon the rest of us."

Though it would not generally have occurred to Loki to defend his father, it didn't seem fair for him to be spoken about like that. Odin had tried hard to be a good dad over the past few years. It all seemed very harsh.

"You don't know what it's like for him," he said. "He doesn't have any more rights than the rest of us."

"Oh, right, that'll be why him and his wife had to split up when they had their norm baby. Oh, wait! My mistake. They're still happily together, whereas my folks got married when told, got pregnant when told and then when they were just making it work, had to break up because they had the wrong kind of mage kid."

"Wrong... Wrong kind?"

Sam sighed and began to levitate, taking off into the air effortlessly and floating higher and higher. Loki gasped. He'd heard about physical mages, the ones who could make their bodies do impossible things, but he'd never met one before.

"This is all I can do," Sam said, swooping lazily back to the ground. "It's not useful, it's no more dangerous than walking, and yet my whole life is subject to rules and restrictions. My details are on the database, I need five more references than a norm to get a job, I can't get on a plane without extra security..."

"You don't need planes, Sam," the girl said.

She seemed used to his anger, bored by it almost, and though Loki was a little afraid, he found himself thinking it was justified.

It wasn't fair. But that wasn't Odin's fault, you couldn't blame him. Or not just him. He'd just been trying to do what was best for his family. The whole system was at fault really. And Loki didn't know where to begin fixing that.

Sam finally landed in front of him, looking less angry now as he laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, kid, you're too young for all this. It gets dangerous. Come back in a few years once you get how the world works."

So patronising. Loki bristled at being spoken to like a child, even if he was visibly younger than all of them.

"I was told there'd be food," he said. "That's the only reason I came."

Sam laughed, genuine and not mocking.

"Yeah, because you're a starving student like the rest of us. No food. Ooh, but we've got this if you want a taste."

He pulled out a small plastic bag of black powder, offering it. Loki carefully dipped a finger into it and instantly felt it just through his skin.

"Is that...?"

"Top grade. It'll boost you right up. Go ahead, try a little."

Pressing his finger to his tongue, Loki could suddenly barely breathe for the amount of magic pulsing through him. It was like having more oxygen in his blood, more blood in his veins, more everything...

"Let it out," Sam said. "You have to cast and let it out. Nothing dangerous though. You could take down the walls in this state."

Loki blinked at him, limbs loose and almost crackling with pent up power. He'd explode if he kept it inside. Battlefield mages did it all the time, he'd seen it on the news, and then they would talk about how inherently dangerous magic users were as if it wasn't the drugs fed to them to make their attacks more powerful making them unstable...

Right, not dangerous. Right.

He picked one of Thor's favourite spells, throwing up sheets of light, a whole aurora of colours and swirling patterns, making them shift and move like a visible symphony. Of course, Thor liked him to do it so he could watch the shifting patterns of light on his bare skin, the moving shadows.

But now the colours were brighter, more vibrant, sparkling with barely controlled energy and Loki heard himself laughing, throwing more and more at it until he felt the boost wear off.

And the others were clapping and laughing, even Sam smiling and patting him on the back.

"Don't let that go," he said. "That kind of fun is worth keeping. Don't let them beat it out of you. I'm cynical as they come and believe me, you don't want to end up like me. Remember that. It's important to find beauty despite all the dull shit life will throw at you. But leave off for a few years, OK?"

Loki went home, unexpectedly light and happy despite his misgivings at what he'd seen and there was Thor, home from rugby training, eating dry cornflakes despite the hour.

"Good day?" he asked.

"Mm..." Loki said, looking him over with new eyes. There had to be something still in his system because Thor's hair was so shiny and his skin was so warm and every bit of him was _delicious..._

"Are you... drunk?" Thor asked. "You look... I don't know, your face looks weird."

"No. Just, you know... Horny."

Thor snorted and set down his bowl.

"You want a hand with that?"

"Yes, please."

He spent a lot of time other the subsequent few years following Sam's advice and holding onto the brighter side. And Thor was the brightest thing of all.


	5. Chapter 5

Amora had already gone to bed by the time Loki finished his bath, but she was sitting up and watching the ten o'clock news bulletin, the usual mix of doom, gloom and carefully balanced scapegoating delivered in a comfortingly familiar voice. The Welsh reporter tonight. He was always pleasantly calming regardless of the horrors he had to inform the nation about.

"Apparently the Mage UK headquarters were attacked again," Amora said mildly. "Arson. They should really cast a non-combustible charm around it."

"I'm not surprised. That leader of theirs is trouble."

"Angela Ciel? I like her."

"You would."

She looked at him oddly as he slid beneath the sheets next to her. They slept in the same bed habitually, always prepared for the event of a dawn raid. Their story had to seem as watertight as possible no matter what time of day or night it was.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged.

"Just that your politics are closer to hers than mine are."

"She's one of us."

"And that means we should automatically vote for her even if we don't agree with what she says? I'm all for better rights..."

"Try any rights."

"But that doesn't mean we should segregate ourselves from non-magic users. All that 'mage first, anything else second' stuff... I mean I get it, I do, but still, there's a lot more to me than just magic. And I don't like the way she talks about non-mages, like they're the enemy."

Amora sighed. They'd had this argument one too many times.

"Just because the wonderful Thor is a norm..."

"This has nothing to do with Thor."

Yes, it did. He knew it. She knew it. Thor was always in the back of his mind to a greater or lesser extent. He pretended it wasn't so, but they both knew it was. Loki elected to change tack.

"Well, if your brother was... one of them, would you want to be separated from him?"

"If my hypothetical older brother was a norm, I'd have never been born. My parents would have been split up. Which is what she stands against, unlike your so-called father. That's the main thing, getting to choose to marry or not and divorce or not because we want to, not because our genes would best serve the country in certain combinations and because of those ancient stupid morality laws that means forced marriages. She's right and I'm right and you know it."

He was too tired for this, too tired to go to sleep annoyed. And through his veins, he kept feeling it, the fact that he had seen Thor. They'd been so close. Thor had spoken to him... Or tried to anyway.

He needed a change of subject.

"We're still going to need some chemical help to shield the shop," he said.

"How long will it hold?"

He concentrated. The spells woven into the very fabric of their home to dampen traces of anything more powerful than using magic lanterns and to conceal a few things had to be renewed from time to time and even Loki would end up bedridden for a few days if he tried to perform them unaided. They were nearly undetectable unless you knew exactly where to look but that kind of work needed a lot of energy.

"A month or so, I'd guess. I'll keep my ear to the ground. Someone will know someone else whose dealer hasn't been caught yet. We'll get it done."

He lay down ready for sleep as she shut the TV off before the usual political programming started, hovering over him.

"You've been weird tonight," she said.

"Well, being chased by the authority can do that to a person."

"No, you've been followed before and you've never been like this. What happened?"

He frowned into his pillow.

"Nothing, alright? I'm just tired."

"Fine," she said after a brief pause, flopping back. "Don't tell me. Don't let me help."

"It's nothing you can help with."

It was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Think, think, there had to be something, some reason he could give...

"It's coming up for the anniversary of my mum dying," he said. "Fifteen years. That's all that's making me weird."

There was a beat of silence and then she cuddled in behind him.

They weren't sexual. They'd tried once or twice, but it didn't really work and it wasn't worth it. It wasn't like their wedding vows had actually meant anything, so Amora could do what she liked as far as Loki was concerned. If she wanted to sleep with other people, that was her business. But he sincerely appreciated her efforts to comfort him, finding her hand to hold close to his chest.

And he felt bad for using a tragedy from his past to hide his current turmoil. He hoped she couldn't feel the way his heart was racing with thoughts of his brother, thoughts he'd believed were long gone but which apparently were just waiting to come rushing back at just the sound of his voice.

Pathetic, really, he thought. And yet another part of him hoped Thor was lying in his own bed somewhere feeling exactly the same thing.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki was sixteen when he first kissed Thor.

There was a long build up to it. There had to be. Thor wouldn't have just jumped into bed with him. In fact he tried for a long time to pretend they weren't feeling the way they were. He'd brush it off as just hormones or accidents whenever Loki caught him staring and maybe he wouldn't ever have acted on it at all without a little push.

Parliament wasn't in session and Odin decided the family deserved a holiday. They didn't often, the sheer annoyance of travelling usually curbing any wish they had for it, especially abroad. It was complicated, going to other countries as a mage, even worse with their strange little family make-up. But he decided on Paris and that meant getting passports and planes and a hotel suite with only two bedrooms.

"I hope you boys won't mind," he said.

"Not at all," Loki said, while Thor seemed a little less comfortable but didn't say anything.

Because he knew now. Barely a month before the trip, he'd come home and found Loki curled up on the couch, snuffling back the remains of tears. He never tried to make Loki talk in this situation, just sat on the arm until he moved and practically threw himself forwards to be held. Loki knew he didn't need to explain anything to Thor and that was the most liberating feeling in the world, that his emotions were just going to be accepted. They weren't going to be belittled or dismissed by any attempts at unwanted help or probing questions or blasé reassurance. He could feel what he felt and Thor would sit with him until it passed, big arms wrapped around him and heartbeat strong in his ear.

But this time, he'd moved upwards, seeking Thor's lips out of instinct and "Whoa, Loki, I... Er... We shouldn't do that."

Loki wasn't even really sure why he'd tried. He just... wanted it. He wanted to kiss Thor, his brother who he was still trying hard to think of as a brother, and that need suddenly burned in him. In fact, it wasn't sudden as such. In retrospect, he'd wanted it for ages. But now he could identify exactly what he wanted and try to achieve it.

He tried to seduce Thor from then on and to a point, Thor was receptive. He always stopped with the cuddling or foot wars whenever the touching became too intimate though. And after a while, Loki realised it was because he was embarrassed, that Loki could make him hard without even really trying.

Which surely meant he wanted it too.

On the Paris trip, Loki went all out. He ate ice cream with little moans, just the tip of his tongue scooping up the sweetness. He brushed against Thor constantly. He made his voice soft and just a hair shy of openly suggestive. And of course...

"What are you doing?" Thor whispered into the dark.

"Nothing."

"I can hear you rustling."

"Whatever could I be doing in the night that causes rustling, Thor?"

There was a pause where he kept working his flesh beneath the blankets as Thor made a noise of understanding.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, you can... you know, finish."

Loki let out little gasps, close to moans and grunted when he came. Thor lay in a cloud of embarrassed silence.

"I needed that," Loki said.

"Right."

"You can too. I bet you're hard."

A shaky breath.

"You shouldn't say things like that to me."

"Why? Because you like it?"

"You're my brother, we shouldn't..."

"But you do like it. You like it when I talk to you like that. I bet you'd be so hard if I talked about how much I want to see you take hold of your cock and jerk yourself off, how much I want to see you come..."

"Loki..."

"You know, it's a well-established psychological issue that siblings separated through early childhood and then reunited often find each other highly attractive. It's all to do with genes and things apparently. We have a lack of the Westermarck effect which means we never developed a real feeling of being siblings and that makes us more likely to experience genetic sexual attraction. It's true, you can look it up."

"That makes no sense. It's not like we could have kids even if we..."

Loki chuckled as Thor trailed off.

"Even if we fucked? Was that where that sentence was going?"

"Go to sleep."

"You've thought about it though, haven't you? I bet it would be so good. I'd take everything you could possibly give and more."

There was a noise, a slap of skin on starched bed sheet, Thor flopping over.

"Why do you want this?" he asked. "Is it to get at Dad?"

Loki frowned, suddenly utterly confused. That was not the conclusion he expected Thor to jump to.

"What? No. No, not at all. Why would you think that?"

"I know that you're unhappy. You're angry and upset and rightly so, and I... I thought maybe you were trying to set up some kind of situation where he'd walk in and catch us in the act and then you'd say all this stuff about separation and how it was his fault for not looking out for all of his kids and..."

Loki slipped out of his bed and ran across the short distance to Thor's, climbing in without bothering to wait for an invitation.

"Trust me, there's not even a single thought of any of our parents in my mind about this. It's you. I just want you. And I know you want me too, so..."

Thor was looking at him in the dark, his eyes shining in the dim streetlight filtering through the hotel blinds. And then he leant forwards and brought their lips together and Loki felt a kind of rush that even magic had never given him.

He surged to meet Thor, neither of them really knowing what they were doing, too much suction on Thor's part and too much use of teeth from Loki's, but it was good, so good to be in Thor's arms, where he surely belonged. And now he was in them, he had no intention of ever leaving again.

When they finally stopped, it was with a real sense that a corner had been turned. There was no going back now. They'd had a taste and wanted more and Loki's heart could have burst with happiness for it.


	7. Chapter 7

Loki was becoming desperate. Their previous dealer had been around for years and trying to find someone new seemed almost impossible.

It wasn't like he could ask just any mage they knew. Boosting was illegal, frowned upon and potentially dangerous and besides, he wasn't out as magical to anyone they knew so his curiosity would seem especially strange. But time was running out.

Eventually he resorted to going out at night, his coat turned up against the wintry weather that was starting to blow in, maybe a little artificial shadow around his face, subtle enough not to arouse suspicion.

Drugs weren't what he was looking for, but they were carried by the right sort of people. The first few dealers he approached chased him off. Coke was one thing, what he was after was quite another and they made their distaste clear.

Eventually he heard about someone who might have something and ended up in the kind of club that he felt about five years too old to be in, stalking through the crowd of barely legal dancers, corsets and heavy make-up on the girls, awkward shirts on the boys, trying to spot something that doesn't quite fit.

It was the aura that dragged him in. The woman was tiny, slender but strong, bright red hair. Physically, she looked 18, but she was holding herself in a way that most self-conscious young women just don't and the way her eyes were moving... Face changer. That's what she was. A good one too. She could probably switch disguises in seconds as easily as taking off a coat.

He sidled up to her, just another slightly-too-old creep trying his luck, and conjured a little smoke. Just a tiny amount which quickly disappeared into the club's atmosphere, but she saw and understood, pushing herself up off the wall and stalking towards him.

"Dance with me," she commanded, leading him to the dancefloor and into a sea of bodies.

It was ridiculously loud and she moved close to him, grinding on his thigh, face pressed right to his so she could speak into his ear.

"How much?"

"Enough to help me shield two floors. Payment's in my back pocket."

She slid a hand right down his back, making it look subtle as she explored, running a finger over the money.

"Mm. Big spender."

"I want only the best stuff."

She laughed.

"That's all I sell. How convenient. Meet me outside by the bins five minutes after I stop dancing."

She spun in his grasp until they were chest to back and pushed against him, weaving her hips as his hands automatically settled on them. Loki found himself receiving a lot of jealous stares, even as she leant back to kiss him on the jaw and then stalked away to the ladies'.

He went to the bar, just for water, and tried to guess how long five minutes was.

When the third song started, he sauntered out, nodding to the bouncers as he passed.

She'd changed, taller now, her hair gone long and into ringlets, but the look on her face was the same as she reached for him.

He frowned in confusion as she shoved him up against the wall, her hand behind him to subtly take the money and lips on his, licking insistently until he opened his mouth. He understood then as she pushed a small plastic bag inside with her tongue.

Risky. It could easily have burst and she'd have ended up spiralling faces for days to get rid of the effects. Maybe she liked the danger. She was certainly nibbling on his lips in a playful way that made him want to shove her away and she was grinning when they finally did part.

"Not even an attempt at a grope," she said. "You're more polite than most."

He feigned a cough to spit the bag into his hand before shoving it into his pocket.

"I'm here for business, not pleasure."

"Shame for you. Still, enjoy. I'm sure I'll see you again some time."

She pulled a brush out of her bag and ran it through her hair, setting it effortlessly straight.

"I'm sure you will," Loki said. "But don't be offended if I don't recognise you."

She laughed as she went back around the corner, back inside, leaving him with powder finally sourced and an overwhelming sense of relief as he started to head home.


	8. Chapter 8

Loki was still sixteen when he and Thor first slept together. 

Paris passed in a blur of sightseeing and stolen kisses, rushing through getting dressed so they could trade minted ones in the morning and yawning profusely every night so they could sneak off to bed together.

It was addictive and all the more so for being forbidden. Loki wanted more but Thor was still resisting, content with just this for now, even if he did get hard often just from having Loki pressed up against him, wriggling in his arms or running his fingers over his body.

"We don't have time," he'd whisper when Loki began to move purposefully. "Wait till we get home."

He didn't want to wait, but Thor was very insistant, and finally began to wrap his hand around both their lengths during their evening sessions, swallowing Loki's little gasps and moans and working them both through climax, cuddling in the warmth afterwards.

But it just made Loki want more with a real burning, catching the bus into town to buy lube at an unfamiliar pharmacy while Thor was out and waiting until their parents had gone to a charity event. They'd have the whole night to be just as careful as Thor wanted. It would be perfect.

Almost the very second they were alone, he launched himself into Thor's lap, knocking the wind out of him and tugging at his shirt and belt, not even sure where he wanted to start.

"Slow down," Thor warned. "I told you, no suddenness, we're going to go nice and slow and gentle."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but I want it now..."

At least he was laughing as Loki tried to drag him upstairs.

"Hey," he said, all soft outside his room, cupping Loki's jaw in one hand. "Calm down. I'll take care of you. You know I will."

Of course, Thor had bought the necessary lubricant too, but that just meant they had lots for the future.

Loki was less excited by the condoms though.

"I hoped you'd... You know. In me."

"Loki, if you're too embarrassed to say it, maybe you're not mature enough for this."

He said it as a joke, but Loki took it as a challenge.

"I want you to finger me open, get me all wet and ready, then fuck me with your cock and make me come nice and hard and I want you to spill inside me. Better?"

Thor's jaw dropped for a second, but he soon recovered. 

"Yes to 90% of that, but we're being safe, OK? If we're having sex, we're at least going to be responsible about it."

And that was just about the funniest thing he had ever heard, so Loki laughed and Thor laughed and they tumbled into bed together giggling and peeling off clothes, running eager hands over warm skin until suddenly Thor went very serious.

"We're really doing this, aren't we?" he said quietly.

"I hope so. I've been excited for weeks."

"No, but... We can't go back from this. Once it's done, it's done."

"I know."

"Do you?"

Loki frowned and squirmed.

"Of course I do. And I want it, so give."

Thor kissed his pouting lips.

"I love you."

As first times go, it wasn't terrible. No-one got hurt or made uncomfortable. But it wasm't great, a total lack of rhythm from both of them and the fact that any time Loki made the smallest noise, Thor would stop in panic. Trying to get his cock in took hours, his nerves transferring to Loki and making him clench up, making it impossible.

"We both need to relax," Loki said after they'd almost given up. "We need to breathe or something because this isn't working."

"It would be easier if there wasn't so much pressure. You were right that we ought to have done it in Paris. Home is... I don't want to make home weird if we don't like it."

"Then let's not be home."

Loki waved his hands and the room dissolved around them, a perfect replica of their hotel suite appearing in its place.

And the second attempt was much more pleasurable.

Thor's cock finally slid all the way in, Loki arching his back and gasping for kisses, rocking his hips instinctively and that was _good,_ so good, enough to make him moan out loud.

And when Thor began to thrust, gently and carefully, but with so much wonder in his face, like he hadn't expected it to feel like this. Loki hooked his legs around Thor's back, trying to make him grind deep, that feeling of fullness almost overwhelming him.

"I'm... I'm close," Thor said. "Fuck, you're just too..."

"Too what?"

"Ah... Ah, too much... Fuck..."

It gave Loki a rush to make Thor come, to know it was his body and his actions that had done that. It only took him a few strokes to spill, Thor helping him with kisses and touches.

"What did you mean, too much?" he asked afterwards.

"Just that. Everything about you. Your face when it feels good, your fingers on me, your kisses, the way you're warm and clenching inside... I almost came as soon as we started. Too much, baby. You're too much. But somehow I just want more and more."

Loki grinned. He was only to happy for more in future.

"Next time," Thor said. "No illusions. Let's do it at home and mean it."

Loki didn't remember when they stopped kissing to fall asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Amora looked up from a cup of camomile when he arrived home.

"Any luck?"

He held up the little packet in answer and began lowering the blinds. This kind of thing didn't need witnesses.

She leapt from her stool excitedly, rushing to get chalk as he took off his coat. Sometimes the old ways were best and she hummed gently while drawing a protective circle on the floor for him to sit in. Plain white. She knew the familiarity would relax him, even if the circle wouldn't actually help much.

He breathed deeply, preparing himself. It was not the most pleasant of activities, taking this much. It was far from the small amounts he'd tried in his late teens. He'd experimented over the years to find the best way to use the powder. He'd tried baking it into things, which worked well for consumption but lessened the effects. He'd tried snorting it which had almost landed him in hospital when his nose started to bleed and wouldn't stop. Taking it dry was difficult, making him cough and splutter.

So warm water it was, a mug of the stuff downed in one unpleasant go.

Amora stood beside him, ready to catch him if something went wrong. Quite what she thought she'd do, he'd never asked. Run for cover probably. If he exploded, it would be like a gory gas leak.

He swallowed hard, feeling the sharp bite as it went down, the slight rise of it in his throat, forcing it into his stomach, and waited for it to hit his bloodstream.

Minutes later, he felt it start. And to begin with, it was always pleasant. His limbs went loose and relaxed, fingers itching to pour power out. Concentrating was hard, but he could do it, he'd done it so many times before without falling down the rabbit hole.

The remains of the old spell pulsed around the building, frayed at the edges like well-loved socks. He could see it so clearly, his own skilled work, so well made and he took a little moment to admire it.

"Still there?" Amora asked.

"Mmph..." he managed.

He'd asked her once what he looked like when he did this. She'd told him it was terrifying, how his eyes glazed and his heartbeat slowed, and he moved like a puppet, all jerky and strange. Of course, that was if he physically moved at all.

He reached for the tangled threads and began tying them back together, lacing in new magic starting at the threshold. It was the most important part, the entrance. That was where the magic had to be strongest and most hidden. Loki's spell wandered around the shop floor and through to their kitchen, taking extra care to conceal their actual pantry rather than the harmless one the inspector saw. Amora made all manner of potions in there, some magical and some not, but even the wrong collection of herbs could have her questioned. It was safer just to hide it.

His mind's eye danced up the stairs, weaving and darning from the ceiling to the skirting board, through their bedroom and bathroom, carefully concealing his secret beneath floorboards, the all-important window defences, up into the attic space to focus on the skylights and... and...

He choked. He was suddenly aware that he was choking, hadn't breathed in far too long and Amora was there, pushing him over. Oh, God, was that her hand? It was, it was her fingers, she was physically reaching into his throat, scooping _something_ out of him and then air, precious air, he was gasping for it.

He coughed and spluttered as he vomited up black sludge, shivering helplessly while she ran for a basin to catch the worst of it.

This had never happened before and he was amazed by how calm she was. Then again, she didn't speak about her past often, why she'd had to change her whole life. Maybe she'd seen people overdose before.

She certainly seemed to know what she was doing, smearing something foul-smelling across his forehead which somehow eased everything, even the ache in his throat.

"Are you there? Loki, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

She let out a heaving sigh and half carried him to the soft blanket pile by the crystal healing booth, laying him down gently before fetching the mop.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Bad stuff, I guess. Probably cut with glitter or something. Reacted badly to your stomach acids and... Yeah, this."

"Sorry. I don't know if I finished shielding."

She paused, eyes closed as she reached out to check his work.

"Well, it's all there and it will hold, but it's very visible from the inside. Lucky that we've already been inspected."

That's what she said, and she smiled, but she still looked worried. Loki hauled himself upright, shaking slightly.

"I'll brush my teeth and go back, get something better."

"What? No, you could have died, you need to rest."

"Chucking out time at that place isn't till two. The woman who sold me the stuff will still be there. She can lead me to her source, I'll make her. We can't leave it like this. The first mage visitor we have will spot it immediately and our cover will blow. I'm fixing it tonight."

Amora's expression hovered between furious and terrified.

"Am I going to be able to talk you out of this?"

"I need to fix it."

"I know, just... It's not safe. You know it's not. Maybe we should just move rather than struggle on. You know the authority are operating here..."

"And they will go somewhere else soon. We'll be safe, I promise."

It was clearly a battle for her, but she nodded vaguely.

"Fine, but change your shirt first. Straight in the machine. You got bile on it. And wash your face. And don't come crying to me if you get hurt."

He kissed her forehead as he went out again, trying to be reassuring even as he felt the guilt in the pit of his stomach. She was cleaning up after him, as usual...

In another life, they might have been very happy together.

In another life, he could have loved her even, the way she deserved.

As it was, at least he could try to give her somewhere safe to live. Even if doing so made her so frightened for a while. In the end, it was worth it.

He knew what he was doing.


	10. Chapter 10

Loki was eighteen when Thor caught him using.

He'd been at lectures and tutorials all day, the step up between first and second year just as big as he'd pretended it wasn't, and tiredness made him sloppy, not hiding as much as normal. He wanted a little intimacy, a little relief.

The powder must have stuck on his teeth, a little blackening, because Thor frowned and took hold of his chin and pushing a thumb between his lips.

"What the fuck is that?"

"What? Nothing. Ow, get off..."

"Is that what I think it is?"

"It's nothing."

The sadness in his eyes nearly made Loki cry, a look of complete betrayal that he never wanted to see again.

"How long? How long have you been...?"

"I don't know. A couple of months? It's not like I have a problem, I just like it. It makes me better. It makes sex better, that's the only reason I do it."

And that made it worse, Thor backing away from him in disbelief.

"What do you mean, better? How does needing drugs make anything better?"

"OK, first of all, it's not a drug. It's an enhancer. Secondly, you love it when I do stuff to you during, you like little sparks and little sensation changes and you like it when I take us away from here. It makes me better at doing that, smoother, more effortless."

"I only like that because it's you doing it. What, you think I have some kind of magic fetish?"

Loki shrugged in answer. Maybe, he wanted to say. Maybe you do, maybe you're one of those creepy guys who gets off on controlling and 'taming' us.

Not that he would ever say such things. He knew that such accusations followed Thor around because he was passionate about mage rights. There was suspicion. And when they realised who he was, there was outrage.

It made sense for them to be angry. Thor was the only person the rules had ever been relaxed for and he was a fucking norm. The mage society told him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome at their demonstrations, not welcome at their debates or meetings. And so he didn't go and then the pair of them were accused of being privilege blind, not doing enough.

There was no hive mind, there were millions of different voices, all demanding attention, and appeasing one sometimes meant antagonising another.

It was a tricky line and using it to score cheap points wouldn't help.

"I'm sorry," Loki offered, not really sorry at all. "It's not about you. It just... It makes me feel nice."

"Loki, people die using that stuff. Where did you even get it? Is it the rights group? Do they use it?"

"No. Of course not. Just around, you know. Friend of a friend of a friend."

Thor stared at him for a few moments before scrubbing is hands down his face.

"Don't think I'm trying to control you, because I'm not, but I'd really prefer it if you didn't touch that stuff again. I love you, I don't want you to get hurt. And... And it's you I want to have sex with, not some enhancer."

He was being unbearably mushy and Loki shuffled his feet.

"What, are you going to make me pinky swear?"

"If I thought that would help, I would."

Loki set a light burning in his left hand, letting the boost wear off.

"Fine. I won't use it."

The next time they slept together, he was clean and it was so much better than he expected. It was all peeled back until there was just him and Thor and skin and tongues.

He didn't boost again until he needed it, on the run and desperate for power.


	11. Chapter 11

He was more badly affected by the bad powder than he'd realised, feet weaving around as he made his way back into town. But that was fine. He looked like just another drunk.

He managed to get hold of himself enough that the bouncers let him back in, prowling around for the woman, spotting her grinding up on some other guy.

Loki slammed a hand into the man's shoulder. Man... Barely twenty years old by the looks of him.

"Clear off," Loki growled.

"What the fuck?"

"Don't make a scene. I can make things very unpleasant for you. Trust me."

The boy looked at his hands and Loki let them glow a little, hardly perceptible. It sharpened his mind as well as making his 'rival' retreat.

The dealer pouted at him.

"I was looking forward to enjoying that," she said.

"Oh, please... Is this what you do, just hang around and pick up random boys? How old are you?"

She smiled, putting her arms around his neck.

"Old enough, Mr Polite."

He laughed a little, genuinely finding the whole thing funny. Or maybe that was still the boost wearing off.

"You might be fifty under all that magic. And you sold me bad stuff."

She looked up at him, all wide-eyed innocence.

"Did I? Oh, dear... Well, I'll have to make it up to you."

There was no mistaking her tone, or the way she was reaching for his cock. He let her rub her hand over it, watching her expression change from playful to intrigued, and then caught her wrist.

"Not interested, sweetheart. I just want to find a more reputable source. I want to speak to whoever deals for you."

Back to pouting.

"Well, that's a shame. Because I can't do that for you and that means I have to do something less pleasant."

He spotted her move a second before she threw the smoke screen, countering as best he could with shields. She screamed, high and piercing, throwing harmless colour spheres randomly into the crowd. The crowd of frightened norms who couldn't tell the difference between flashes of light and explosions.

There were other mages around too, probably ones the dealer knew and Loki was forced to duck for cover as something solid hit the wall behind him. They weren't aiming for people, they were just causing panic and confusion.

The girl's appearance was whirling, never staying on one face too long and Loki finally decided it wasn't worth it, joining the group of terrified people scrambling for the exit.

The exit that was suddenly locked, desperate hands banging against it, security yelling for everyone to calm down. The authority would be here soon.

Shit. Shit, he was screwed for sure. She'd change her face and get away but someone would recognise him and then they'd find out who he really was and go after Amora too and...

Right. Two choices. Stay and be caught. Run and probably be caught anyway.

Later he'd blame it on the boost, but as it was he sidled his way through the crowd, getting closer to the lock, laying a hand on it and concentrating.

Nudge that way. Push. Shift. Pull. Click...

The door fell open and he let himself be swept up in the rushing crowd, just trying not to be crushed as they stampeded down the stairs and out onto the street.

And then he was away, running, free. He'd have to find another dealer, but then again come to think of it, concealing the spell would take much less than building it in the first place. It would take him out for a day perhaps, but that was nothing and then he could lay low and...

He was grabbed as he went past a dark alley, barely able to yell before his assailant got a hand over his mouth and a firm grip on both wrists.


	12. Chapter 12

Loki was fifteen the first time he got in a fight.

Settling into an entirely new life was not easy at the best of times, let alone when for months his every move had been followed by the press, newspapers in the local shop showing his angry face, painting him as some kind of cuckoo when he was just trying to get on with things.

It was worse being the only known mage in the school. Statistics said there were probably more, but no-one else was confirmed. Just him.

Too many dirty looks in the school corridors, too many not-quite-quiet-enough comments, too many insinuations and Loki had had enough.

He threw the first punch but was outnumbered and quickly resorted to using his powers indescriminantly, knocking one to the ground, hurling one against a wall and temporarily blinding a third.

But then they realised they could stop him if they got a grip on his wrists and covered his mouth, leaving only kicks as his weapons. Not particularly good or effective weapons at that.

It only lasted a few minutes before teachers arrived, shrill and screeching and demanding explanations and Loki found himself fixing his bloodied nose and trying to enchant the swelling around his eye away as he sat outside the school office while his more injured assailants went groaning to hospital.

Thor had obviously been allowed out of class for this family emergency as he came running up the stairs and pulled him into an embrace, asking a million questions all at once. What happened, are you hurt, do you want to see the nurse? Loki gave him one-word answers, sullen and grumpy, protesting that he was fine and it wasn't his fault that the school was full of imbeciles and that he'd hardly fucking touched them.

It was the two of them against the rest of the world, other students whispering as they walked past, the whole school gossiping about them.

"Is it true you killed someone?" one asked.

"Get to class," Thor said.

They obeyed him. He wasn't even head boy (not yet) and he still had that easy authority that made people listen to him.

By the time Frigga arrived, all stern face and exasperation, Loki was through anger and had entered the sickly guilty stage. He was meant to be a good example, proving that mages were not to be feared and he was letting his adoptive mother down.

He was still intimidated by her. She was probably the single most powerful magic user in the country, maybe even the continent, effortlessly casting spells here, there and everywhere. She was a great friend of people, spent all her time in the hospital lending her powers to healing, even though it left her exhausted. Loki admired her greatly and he envied Thor for how easily he called her "mum", how he was the only person in the world with any real claim on her.

"I'm sorry," he said before she could say anything.

"Save it," she said, sounding resigned. "You're lucky I could undo what you did to that poor boy's eyes."

Thor stared at him then, looking afraid. And he hated that, Thor fearing him. Thor was the only person he really believed cared about him deep down.

"It would have worn off in a day or two," Loki mumbled.

Frigga negotiated hard for him. The other parents wanted him expelled, but she managed to talk them down to just suspension and Loki was glad of it.

By the time Odin came home, he was positively penitent, promising to take over all housework while his suspension lasted, so grateful for another chance.

It wasn't the last time someone hit him for what he was, but it was the last time he fought back. The story always got too twisted when mages fought norms. It was hard to maintain your innocence when a wave of your hand could break limbs. It was better just to patch yourself up afterwards and carry on.


	13. Chapter 13

Cuffs clicked shut around his wrists, and Loki immediately felt weak as a half-drowned kitten. He'd heard of these things, not just magic dampeners but basic sedatives as well. He struggled a little, trying to thrash, but his attacker just held him tighter.

"It's me. Loki, it's me."

There were times when that voice would have made his heart leap, but instead he felt like he'd throw up for the second time in two hours. Not Thor... Please, not Thor, not here, not doing this.

"You've got the wrong man," he managed.

"I don't think so. You haven't changed that much. Just do as I say and I'll get you out of this, I promise."

He couldn't resist, even though he wanted to. The cuffs were draining him, taking all his power away and he could barely see, let alone escape. It was like losing 95% of his senses all at once. He could vaguely hear Thor making excuses, something about drunk, not involved, just taking him home now.

And then he was falling face first into a car and Thor was making soothing noises until the cuffs were off and everything came fuzzily back into vision.

"Loki? It's me. Baby, it's me."

The endearment stuck in his ear like a fish bone. Part of him couldn't believe it, sitting limp while Thor easily manhandled him upright and put a seatbelt on him.

"Don't worry. Nothing bad is going to happen. I'm going to take you home to my place."

And that made him try desperately to focus, to say something. He was so drained though, no energy left at all. It was like trying not to fall asleep.

"No... Got to go home. Amora..."

"Sorry?"

Ugh...

"My wife. She'll be worried."

He saw it, the look of betrayal in Thor's face, the hurt and couldn't help laughing.

"Not like that. It's not what you think. It's not what you think..."

A bit more coaxing and Thor got an address out of him, moving round to the driver's seat and setting out into the night. Loki's head lolled from right to left, and he must have fallen asleep somehow because the next thing he knew, Thor was patting his face and leaning closer and, mmm, yes, Thor...

"Well, some things never change, do they? Come on, up you get."

He denied Loki's confused attempt for kisses and almost carried him to his door, knocking heavily. Amora opened it cautiously but then swung it wide when she saw who it was.

"What happened?" she asked as Loki's head swam. She'd used bleach to clean up and the sharp smell of it practically hurt.

"Are you Amora?"

"Yes, I'm... What the hell have you done to him?"

"I had to use drainers. They've sapped him quicker than I thought. Has he eaten much today? That sometimes makes the effect stronger. He'll sleep it off and be fine."

"Right, well, thank you for half killing my husband but I'll look after him now."

Loki grabbed at her as they pushed him into an armchair.

"Amora," he croaked. "Hey. Hey."

"Yes, I'm here. I've got you, it's OK."

Laughter bubbled out of him, though he couldn't quite remember what was funny.

"It's Thor," he whispered, too loud. "Thor came for me."

For some reason, she wasn't seeing the funny side as she turned to stare at Thor in disbelief. But Loki felt sure it would all be fine as he let sleep take him again.


	14. Chapter 14

Loki was 26 when he met Amora.

He'd been living underground for nearly a year, with just the things he managed to carry on his back. He got out of town for a long time, but things were harder in the countryside so he ended up back in the city soon enough. The underground looked out for their own, made sure they were fed, tried to make pathways for them to change their faces and names and start new lives.

He remembered the first time he saw her so well, how clean she was. She smelled good, perfume and soap. But she had a haunted look to her as well and Loki didn't know how to ask about that, didn't want to either.

He saw her around at first. They chatted a bit. She was like him, a general mage, from Poland originally although she'd lived in the UK for years. He asked if life was better. She shrugged.

"Different. And not worse."

Over a few weeks, they became friends. She practised fortune telling on street corners to earn a little money and Loki began to act as lookout for her. Although her little sign proclaimed it was strictly for entertainment, even pretend magic needed a licence and hers was long out of date.

They were a good team. She taught him a lot. All about using a little money to pay the entrance fee to a gym in order to shower regularly, 'borrowing' shampoo that had been left by other patrons in plain sight. It was easier to go unnoticed and to attract passing trade if you were clean.

They took care of each other, sharing body heat when it was cold, sharing food and finding amusement where they could.

He told her who he really was on the anniversary of his disappearance. Odin, Frigga and Thor appeared at a much-publicised press conference begging for information, and he felt he owed it to his friend to tell her the truth. He told her about being adopted at least, not willing to confirm his parenthood. But he told her about Thor. How in love they had been, still were. How he'd had to leave.

"It certainly explains a lot," she said afterwards. "All those nights under a blanket together and you never once tried anything."

He frowned at her like she'd slipped into Polish, the way she did sometimes when excited or angry.

"I... I didn't realise you expected that. Sorry."

"Don't be. I think I'm done with touching for a long time."

He asked what she meant, more out of politeness than anything else and was relieved when she said she didn't want to talk about it. Maybe one day, but not now.

"Do you ever think about having a new life?" she asked one day. "Getting a fake identity and moving on?"

"Of course," Loki said. "I think about it all the time. A bed. A home. Central heating. My own bath..."

"We could, you know. We could do it together."

How long had she planned it? He wasn't sure. But she knew someone who knew someone whose cousin could craft them new lives. It cost a lot, months of saving and scrimping, but together they built Lopt Silbern. A new person, just like that.

With a new name and non-mage identity, Loki was able to get a basic job, a bank account, slowly piecing together a life and applying to marry his Polish girlfriend, taking the lease of the shop even though they could only just afford it.

Nine months after meeting, they got married in the registry office. Paperwork, signatures from handy witnesses, all the things that made up a relationship in the eyes of the law.

His life with Thor became a steadily more distant memory. A beautiful dream he'd had of a smile and a heart just for him.

But he was happy with Amora. They'd made a life together against the odds. They were safe. They weren't alone. And maybe that would have been enough.


	15. Chapter 15

Loki woke in his own bed with what felt like a terrible hangover. Too many things had happened yesterday, of that he was certain.

He rolled around in the blankets a little, confused as to how he'd ended up in them and finally managed to scramble out, his head pounding and his tongue dry.

Downstairs seemed quiet and so he wasn't expecting the sheer incongruity of finding Thor sitting at his kitchen table while Amora leant against the counter with her arms folded.

"There's tea in the pot," she said gently. "Almost fresh."

That sounded heavenly, and it gave him something to do in the awkwardness that was rapidly descending. Thor meeting his wife. This certainly was a nightmare scenario for some reason.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't really able to introduce you two properly last night," he said, getting the milk from the fridge.

"I think we managed to figure it out," Amora said. "Your brother only just arrived back. I insisted that he go home last night though he wanted to sleep on the couch and guard you."

"And she refused to tell me anything," Thor added.

That sounded like Amora alright. She was good at secrets. Even though this was Thor, love of his life, she knew he wouldn't want his business being discussed without him.

"Do we have bread?" he asked, more brightly than he felt. "I think I'm going to have toast for breakfast."

"Loki..." Thor sighed.

He knew that tone, that long-suffering voice. Thor wanted answers. He wanted explanations. And he wanted them now.

Loki took a long sip of his tea, the heat helping to make him feel alive.

"Where do you want me to start, Thor?"

He flailed. Although it seemed he and Amora were being only barely civil to one another, she had given him a pretty floral mug, which seemed to be rapidly cooling and in obvious danger of being knocked over. Loki calmly moved it out of range.

"Where have you been? When did you get married? Have you been... Are you alright?"

Loki looked at him, noting the fear in his face but a little joy as well. Thor was so happy to have found him. On a basic level, Loki understood, but it hadn't ever been Thor he was running from. There was massive risk here. Why couldn't he see that?

"I've been around. Hiding. Laying low. Keeping out of trouble."

"Oh, so that's why I chased you into scaffolding two weeks ago? I know it was you. Don't pretend it wasn't."

Loki shrugged. What did he want to hear?

Thor's nostrils flared.

"I thought the whole point of you running away was to avoid having to get married."

"It was to avoid getting married to someone I didn't choose."

Thor's eyes flicked to Amora, blatant jealousy in his face. He thought he'd been cast aside. Well, why not? Why shouldn't Loki try to move on? It wasn't like they could be together.

"Why are you here, Thor? What are you trying to accomplish?"

"What am I...? I'm here for you. Looking for you. I've been searching for you for four fucking years. That's the only reason I joined the chasers. I hoped that somehow I'd meet someone who could at least tell me that you were alive and safe."

"Well, I am. Look. I'm alive and safe. Was there anything else you wanted?"

He felt awful seeing Thor slump. Not that he was done yet.

"I have something," he said. "Something I think is big and could lead to a huge outcry from everyone, you know, all over the country. Even the most bigoted anti-mage would have to sit up and take notice."

"But?" Loki asked. "There's a but coming, isn't there?"

"But... It might need you to go through with some unpleasant stuff. You'd have to come out of hiding and... It wouldn't be fun but I'm sure that this would end a lot of terrible things, nationwide."

Loki looked at him in despair. He sounded so earnest, but it just wasn't that easy.

"How sure are you?" he asked. "Sure enough to risk my life on it? You know that's what I'd get for hiding this long. Life imprisonment. Even if Odin managed to argue my case, I'd never be free again, they wouldn't let me out of their sight. It's... You're asking too much. I know you're thinking of the big picture, but this... What you're asking..."

"I think we need more details," Amora said.

Loki stared at her. What was she saying?

"It might be big," she said in explanation, shrugging. "I want to know how big, that's all."

Ganged up on, Loki supposed he had no choice but to listen.


	16. Chapter 16

Loki was 24 when he first found out that the government had plans for him.

The day started out ordinarily enough, a Saturday, waking up in Thor's bed as usual. In theory, they had separate rooms, but generally they slept together. It made the mornings easier.

Thor mumbled something as he moved, reaching for him, wrapping both arms firmly around his waist.

"No, stay..."

"Get off, I need to pee."

"Hmm... OK. But get right back here. Cuddles..."

He was so cute, half awake and needing love.

He heard Thor's phone ring while he was in the bathroom, not realising his life was about to be shattered. He crept back to the bedroom with a mind to maybe tickle Thor, make him scramble for an excuse for whoever was on the other end, but the pinched look on his face made him pause. Something serious was happening, evidently.

"Yeah, of course," Thor was saying. "Er... Ten minutes? I'll need to wake him. I don't know, whatever looks good to you. We're not fussy."

He could provide no explanation except that it was their parents and they were outside and they wanted to bring them breakfast. Which meant getting dressed and throwing all the laundry into baskets and hiding at least a few of the empty bottles around the place. No hoovering. They didn't want things looking suspiciously clean.

Odin and Frigga's faces were not helping Loki's nerves, even as he put the kettle on reflexively and chewed on his croissant, still warm from the bakery.

"Loki... Er... Son..." Odin began, clearly not sure where to begin.

All manner of thoughts rushed through his head. There'd been a mistake. He wasn't related to them at all. He'd done something illegal by mistake. His degree wasn't valid...

"There comes a time in a lot of mages' lives when they need to accept... certain things. When the state demands specific... things."

"What kind of things?" Thor asked, aggressive already.

"Sometimes it's role carved out for them, a certain job they must accept. But sometimes it's... marriage."

It was lucky Loki wasn't holding anything hot or spillable. He stared at them both, his adopted parents, the pain in their faces. They didn't want this. Their hands must have been tied for it to have got this far.

"When?" was all he could manage.

"Next year. We don't know who exactly she is, but she'll be a powerful mage. You'll have things in common. And, of course, you'll have time to meet her, choose a place to live together..."

"This is barbaric!" Thor snapped. "You can't just make him get married to someone he's never met. It's stupid."

"A lot of cultures practise arranged marriages," Odin said with absolutely no conviction in his voice.

"Yeah, but... But that's different, that's to link families and stuff. The government just want mage kids. Why can't they just test tube them, why do they have to get married for it?"

"Studies have shown that children are happier with both parents present."

"Not if they hate each other! This government is just obsessed with nuclear families and it's sickening. They don't care about Loki, they just want to treat him like a stud horse."

"Well, maybe Loki won't hate his wife. Maybe they'll get on very well."

Thor scoffed and turned away, unshed tears in his eyes. His life was about to be turned upside down almost as much, Loki supposed. He'd be losing his lover and brother in one fell swoop, or near as made no difference. 

But then again, they'd been deluding themselves. How long could they play at cohabiting as students or young jobseekers? They couldn't live together forever. It was expected for them to move out, branch out on their own. This stupid dream of love that they had, it couldn't last. That was reality. That was the truth.

"It's fine," Loki said, completely numb. "It will all be fine."


	17. Chapter 17

"It's something Dad said to me about a year ago," Thor said. "A throwaway comment. I don't think he realised the implications of it at the time. Probably still doesn't."

Loki's cup was empty, lukewarm in his grasp.

"Well, come on. Spit it out."

Thor seemed to almost be wrestling with himself to find the right words.

"I was seeing them for my birthday. You know how much they like to see me in person for it. And we had the news on and there was Angela Ciel, freshly elected as leader for Mage UK and so angry... You know, like she normally is, furious with everything in the world. And Dad said, 'I can't believe they tried to make her marry your brother.'"

Amora laughed, almost too gleefully.

"Sorry," she said. "Sorry. That's just too funny. You'd have torn each other apart. God, imagine your kids! Poor things."

Thor coughed awkwardly.

"It made me interested in her. My would-be sister-in-law. I wanted to... Well, I wanted to find out that she was awful so that I'd maybe feel better about you leaving. That you'd dodged a bullet, even though it meant leaving me too."

"Watching the news can tell you she's awful," Loki said. "And she'd have hated you, you big norm."

Thor's lips twitched at the phrase. Loki always used it as an endearment.

"Right. But have you ever read her biography?"

"No. I'm not that bothered about politics."

"I have," Amora said. "She's in her late twenties, youngest ever leader of her party, child of a single mother, never knew her father. And an exceptionally gifted mage, obviously."

"Any of that sound familiar?" Thor asked.

Loki raised his eyebrows.

"What, off the back of that you think she's like me? One of Dad's little gifts to the state?"

He could feel Amora's confusion, the way she was putting two and two together and not wanting to believe the answer she was getting. He'd have fun explaining that later.

"She's the right age. She has the right sort of power and the right strength. And if you look at her, she even looks a little bit like Dad."

"Well, I look nothing like him, so that doesn't mean anything. Just coincidence. And what does this have to do with making people take notice?"

"Think about it," Thor hissed. "The government kept track of you. They'd have kept track of her. They would have known that you were half siblings, of course they would. And so trying to push you two together, demanding that you had kids who they knew would be at risk of all kinds of genetic disorders? Even the most militant anti-mage would surely be against state-forced incest."

Loki looked at his half brother, his long-lost love, and burst out laughing.

"Sorry. Sorry, it's just... Well, we're hardly the poster boys for protesting sibling-on-sibling action, are we?"

"But you and me, we were..."

Thor trailed off. In love? Is that where he was going?

"What, Thor?"

"Consenting," he said. "And we knew what we were doing, what we were to each other. And there was no risk of any children. They would have lied to you, kept it secret, and that could have put all of us at risk, everyone. Angela Ciel is dangerous now. Imagine her being forced to give birth to a child who more than likely would be ill for the rest of their life, and not just in a way that happens by chance. The government would know that child would be ill. Immune disorders, spinal deformation, the risk is so much greater if the parents share genes and they were willing to let that happen. A child only born because the government looked at the risks and decided having that amount of power at their disposal was worth making that child suffer. The pair of you would have worked it out and she'd have gone on a rampage."

"You still don't know," Loki said. "The evidence is circumstantial at best. She might not be related to us at all."

"But if she is, then this is the key. This could be it, it could put an end to the forced marriages. Will you... Will you help me?"

Loki bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'll have to think about it. This is dangerous for me, you know? But I promise I'll think about it. That's all I can give you at the moment."

He wasn't expecting Thor to stand up suddenly and pull him into a fierce hug. It felt too good to be in his arms, unfairly good, and after letting him linger for a few moments, Loki carefully moved away and poured himself another mug of over-stewed tea, pretending that his hands weren't close to trembling.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki was 25 when he ran away and only just.

He planned it meticulously, step by step. He went along with everything the government wanted from him, health tests, magic tests, fertility... It caused arguments between him and Thor, who was still fighting the windmills of what was happening.

"We can still be together," Loki insisted, lying through his teeth. "When we meet, I'll ask her for an open marriage and she'll probably jump at the chance. And then I can wine and dine you, keep you sweet, spoil you rotten and take you to the best hotels or we can just hang out at your place and..."

"It won't be the same," Thor said. "Once you have kids, your life will change, whether you get on with the mother or not. You'll have too much responsibility. Your first loyalty will be to them, as it should be. Don't make promises we both know can't be kept."

Keeping his plans secret from Thor was agony, but it was the only sensible option. Thor would only get in the way or try to stop him. No, it was better like this, a clean break. No protracted farewells. No going back.

He found contacts, friends of friends, enough distance between their circles for the risk of discovery to be lower and set about finding options for going underground. Eventually he was offered a place in a safe house, completely offgrid and literally invisible. He could hide there for years if necessary, though he got the feeling he wouldn't want to.

He bought fifteen travel tickets for various types of transport, some by card and some with cash, even a plane ticket to Ireland. With any luck, there'd be enough false trails to keep them guessing long enough for him to get away. He slowly removed most of his money from his bank account in small amounts, not all in one go, but gradually, nothing that would set off suspicion. Ready cash to pay his benefactors with was a must. They were risking a lot, helping him.

And then there was just the matter of saying goodbye to Thor without him realising it was goodbye.

It was a Tuesday. They ordered pizza for no reason and curled up together on the couch. Nothing could feel more bittersweet than the easy comfort of Thor's arm around him, watching panel shows and giggling together.

Getting Thor into bed didn't take much convincing, even if he did notice Loki's kisses were a bit needier than usual.

"Mmm, so greedy tonight. You'd think I hadn't touched you for months."

Or wasn't going to ever again.

Loki rolled and wriggled beneath him.

"I want your fingers," he murmured. "I want it all physical."

He saw Thor's eyes darken. Too many years of hurrying to be done had meant they got into the habit of Loki using magic to prepare himself, but Thor loved to do it manually. It probably appealed to some caring side of him.

"Do you remember the first time we did this?" Loki asked, fists knotted in the sheets and breath harsh.

"How could I forget? You were so beautiful."

"You were so nervous."

A chuckle. They'd both been nervous.

"Is that what you want, then? Gentle and sweet?"

"Mmm..."

And so Thor was, touching Loki like he was delicate, the practice from all those years making him better, smoother. They knew each other's bodies so well, knew exactly what they were doing. It was about as close to perfect as it could be.

Loki held Thor's face in both hands, gazing up at him, open and happy as he turned his head to kiss the warm skin of Loki's wrist.

He wanted to remember Thor just like this. Looking at him with so much love, so much adoration, his face when they came within seconds of each other, the way he kept his softened cock inside until it had to slip out. No condoms any more. They'd been tested just in case and started going without long ago.

"I love you," Thor whispered afterwards, holding him close.

"I love you too," Loki said, with such strength and vehemence that Thor looked a little confused.

Only for a moment though.

The next moment, Loki laid his hand gently on Thor's head again and with a burst of light knocked him out. It wouldn't hurt him or harm him. He'd wake in eight hours as if he'd had a restful night's sleep. And only then would he realise.

Loki packed a bag and was gone, tears streaming down his face, after twenty minutes. In a moment of madness, he'd taken Thor's comb with him, wrapping it in a little plastic wrapper just in case one day he needed it. Just in case something went wrong. Just in case.

Getting into a stranger's car, still feeling where Thor had been inside him so recently, was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

Until he had to wake up all alone.


	19. Chapter 19

"I think you should do it."

Amora didn't give him any warning, just came out and said it. They'd gone about their day and had dinner after Thor left, though Loki barely tasted it and felt like he was sleepwalking and now he was in bed, staring at the ceiling. There'd been a horribly awkward moment when Thor was heading off when they'd stood in the doorway and Thor had looked... expectant? No, not quite. Hopeful, that was more like it.

And Loki had looked at him, at how he was tilting his head a little and had closed the door in his face.

A kiss. That's what he'd been after. Like Loki could just flutter back to him and it would all be fine. Maybe his instinctive reaching for him had given him the wrong idea, though that was hardly his fault.

And it wasn't like he didn't want to kiss Thor, he did, he could feel the want in his very bones, but it wasn't as simple as that. Things couldn't be exactly the same ever now, and they couldn't just go back to intimacy right away, it was too soon...

"Did you hear what I said?"

He sighed.

"Yes. Sorry, I'm just... reeling a bit. It's weird, seeing him again. I kind of never thought I would, you know."

She gave his hand a quick squeeze.

"Well, I'm reeling a little too. You never told me you were actual brothers for a start."

Ah, yes. That.

"Yeah," he said uselessly. "No-one outside the family knows, not for sure. It's, erm... Well, basically, Odin got the rules relaxed so he could stay married even after Thor was born a norm, but in exchange he had to donate sperm for the state to use as they saw fit and hence me."

Her eyes widened.

"So how many kids does he have?"

"Honestly, we don't know. It was completely anonymous, that was the deal. My mother knew, but she was something of a seer so... Yeah. Could be just me, but there's probably dozens of half-siblings out there."

"Potentially including Angela Ciel."

"You think he's right?"

She cuddled in close out of habit, resting her head on his shoulder.

"The more I think about it, the more sense it makes. I mean, no offense, but you definitely have the same stubbornness. You make decisions and nothing can change your mind. So does she. So does Thor. And he's right, now that I'm looking for it, she does look a bit like Odin."

"Well... OK, fine, so we think she's our sister. I still ran away from my responsibilities for four years. They're not going to like that. I'll be punished for sure. And you, what about you? How will you explain me vanishing if I go off to do this?"

Amora propped herself up on her palms to gaze down at him, hair like a curtain around her face.

"I have no intention of having to do that. I'm coming with you. I'm going to help."

"You don't have to. They'll probably test you as well, find out how strong you are. And they won't like that either. You could be free, safe, have the life you built..."

"Alone? At the risk of sounding pathetic, you're all I have. And I'm not going to let you go through all this shit by yourself. Thor is... Look, I know you love him and he loves you, but he's a norm, he doesn't understand. He can't understand."

She was right, he knew. Thor had often seemed like the only person who understood him as an individual, but he couldn't fully know what life was like for mages. Especially not people who had been hiding their real identities for years.

"It's risky," Loki said.

"I know. But you trust Thor and I trust you. We'll need a good story. We're too well fed to be kidnap victims."

He laughed at that. They'd need to do a lot before doing this. Give rent notice. Organise their finances. Dispose of all the technically illegal things from their home.

"We can use the press to our advantage," she continued, really selling it to him. "They love how well Angela shifts papers anyway, so the sudden return of her long-lost fiancé will give them all palpitations. And just think of the romance of it. A norm brother successfully finding his runaway adopted sibling and bringing him back to the right side of the tracks. He'll be a hero, you'll be a poster boy for the sympathy and kindness of the state allowing you to come back to the fold. And then we'll stick them right in the shared DNA."

He had to smile at her.

"I'm glad I married you," he said. "Even if... you know."

"Yeah. Don't worry. We'll be the most amicable exes ever when you go back to Thor."

She said it so casually, like it was a foregone conclusion. Guaranteed.

He wished he had her confidence.


	20. Chapter 20

Loki was four when he first manifested his powers.

He was something of a late bloomer. They knew he was magic, of course. The tests were performed on every child at one week old. It was rare for non-mage parents to have magical children, but not unheard of. There were support groups. It was seen as something of a burden by a lot of people.

Certainly, it was difficult to handle a mage toddler. The usual age for developing powers was between two and three, but it could happen earlier. A baby who could move objects was quite a source of terror, especially as they seemed to be obsessed with trying to eat everything in sight. Face changers were the worst though. It was troublesome enough keeping track of any child, but one that would change their appearance during tantrums and run away... It was every parent's nightmare to be unable to recognise their own infant.

One of the most lucrative jobs available to mage women was as au pairs. They would enchant the child to hold back their powers, teach them harmless little games and tricks to let their energy out, give lessons on how to behave and explore their powers safely until they could be palmed off onto teaching staff.

Of course, they were rigidly background checked. Every so often a horror story would emerge of a nanny grooming her young charge to rebel against the state or learn inappropriate spells. It seemed to be mostly hearsay. Very few convictions came of such accusations.

But little Loki was a relatively quiet child. He had no paid minder; Laufey took care of him in her own scatterbrained way. He'd sometimes wondered if the tumor that eventually killed her had always been sitting in her head, making her odd.

She was a professional artist, but a special one at that. Her work was not particularly spectacular, but people were drawn to it. It made them happy somehow, warm inside.

Of course, that was all due to the paints, she said. And that was true. She mixed all her own pigments, traditional techniques, boiled onion skins for yellow, wode for blue, iron ore for orange and red, always a bubbling pot on the stove, her thick dark hair piled high as she sang to her colours.

Of course, that was the secret.

As well as her seeing ability, Laufey's other main strength was mood modulation. She was an excellent moderator, able to calm a room in seconds. And her songs imbued the effect into her paints. Her works made people happy. Harmless spells. Pleasant even. If she'd wanted to, she could probably have spelled people into spending more on her work, but she just wanted to get by and create. She wasn't interested in wealth for its own sake.

She was singing as she painted one day, Loki playing nearby, when it happened. There was no explosion, no stunning change in the air. He just raised his hand and the paint moved. Like a star bursting, it spread out in a galaxy swirl in front of her eyes. And Laufey had laughed and laughed.

She kept that painting, the first bit of instinctive magic that her son ever made. It was a spiral of blues and greens, sparkly almost. Though Loki didn't recall the incident, he was told the story often enough.

She'd taught him as much as she could at home and sent him to after-school classes for young mages as soon as be was old enough to hone his skills and learn how to control his power.

Sometimes Loki wondered if the sadness he felt when he moved in with his father was boosted by the loss of her low level spells. He'd spent his childhood in an environment of gentle joy, of subtly pleasing paintings, all of which was ripped away from him.

Whether true or not, it certainly took him a long time to learn to be happy with just his own mind.


	21. Chapter 21

Thor was overjoyed when they confirmed they were on board with his plan. He couldn't stop smiling, even as they discussed the more difficult aspects of the scheme.

"We could lie," Loki said. "But I think it would be better to tell the truth, to a point. I was scared and I ran away. And now I'm back, willing to go through with the marriage in return for amnesty for my partner."

Amora visibly didn't particularly appreciate his attempt to do right by her, but he wasn't ready for that discussion just yet. They could do it in private.

"Mum and Dad are going to be thrilled," Thor said. "I thought we could surprise them. Show up together when I'm seeing them for my birthday."

Fear rolled through Loki's stomach.

"I... I don't think I'm ready to see them," he said.

Thor's face fell.

"Why not? They love you, they'll think they're dreaming..."

"I know, I just... It's too soon, alright? I need time to come to terms with it. I never thought I would see any of you again. It was like you'd all died. It was a hard adjustment."

"For us too. Do you have any idea what it was like to wake up and not have you there?"

"Do you have any idea what it was like to be desperate enough to leave everything behind and run away into the unknown? To be on the street? To live in constant fear?"

They were both angry suddenly. Maybe this was all too much. There'd been too much time, too long apart. Too much sadness.

"Fine," Thor said eventually. "You don't have to see them. Not so soon."

"When's your birthday?" Amora asked.

"Two weeks," Loki responded instantly. Of course he knew.

They agreed that a full reunion could wait until after that. For one thing, Thor seemed endlessly curious about what his life had contained since they last met. Where he'd been, what he'd done. And, of course, he was skirting around asking where exactly they stood in terms of their relationship.

"So you guys are...?"

"Married, yeah," Loki said. "Couple of years now."

Thor nodded vaguely and Loki waited for him to actually ask.

"And you're... It's a marriage of convenience?"

Amora snorted.

"Loki, don't be cruel," she said. "Look at him, stewing there. Yes, we're married, but it's just for appearance. We're an eccentric, but ordinary couple. It's a more believable cover than one person alone. And sticking together is safer. You can earn more, you're more secure generally. But don't worry, it's not a romantic arrangement. I'm not going to get in the way of your forbidden love."

Thor went beetroot, stammering.

"Right. I, er... Right."

Loki sighed.

"We still need to sort things out about this whole DNA theory," he said. "We need to find someone to do the tests. A norm. A mage doctor would be accused of bias, so we need someone unimpeachable and incorruptible and unbigoted. And we need to convince Angela Ciel to go through with it too."

He was wary of the look that suddenly appeared on Thor's face. He knew that expression. Thor was about to announce something and he would hear no arguments. Loki had seen a lot of that face in the run-up to his disappearance when Thor was proclaiming that something would be done to fix this.

"I've actually already got an appointment with her," he said. "I think we should explain it all from the start. She's against forced marriage anyway, I think she'll help."

Loki stared at him.

"When?"

"Well, she's very busy. You have to apply..."

"When, Thor?"

"Twelve days from now. I've already given my notice at work. I was going to take you to Mum and Dad's and use their house as our base, go from there to the Mage UK HQ, but I guess... Well, they can go without seeing me for one birthday. This is more important."

Twelve days. That was soon.

Far too soon.

"Well," Amora said. "Let's hope you're all related to each other."


	22. Chapter 22

Loki was twelve when Laufey's tumor was diagnosed.

"But you'll get better," he said when she told him. "They'll get rid of it. There must be a spell to get rid of it."

"There's no spell for this, sweetie. Even the best mages have trouble differentiating between brain matter and tumor matter... It's too deep. They can't do anything. Norm medicine or magic, they just... They can't."

He hated the way his voice shook, still high and childlike.

"How long? Did they say?"

"Years. Don't worry. I have ages."

He didn't believe her. Everything she did seemed a sign of her illness. Dropping her paintbrush. Walking into rooms and forgetting why. Little things that wouldn't have given him pause were suddenly full of meaning.

She would repeat herself, telling him the same thing three times an hour.

He was sent to counsellors, asked how he felt over and over again. They told him he had to get used to the idea, to make his peace with his mother's approaching death. It made him want to scream. You weren't _supposed_ to just accept these things, you were supposed to be upset.

He was so sure that they were wrong. There had to be something that could be done.

When Laufey was sleeping, he tried to do it himself. He'd studied the notes from the hospital, the scans, he knew where the tumor was. He could shrink it, he knew he could do it. Everyone talked about how skilled he was. He could save her.

He stood beside her, looking so peaceful in her sleep, closed his eyes and reached for it.

He couldn't find it. He could feel her bones, her spine, her skull but then it was just... flesh. He couldn't guess what was brain and what wasn't brain and there was so much and...

"Loki?"

He was already crying when she pulled him into bed beside her, shushing and cradling him like he was still a little kid.

"I wanted to help."

"I know. I know. It's alright. Hey, come on. It's alright."

"No, it's not! It's not fair!"

Evidently she had nothing to say to that, just holding him and letting him sob.

"I've been speaking to the social workers," she murmured after a while. "And they're going to try to get your father to look after you after I'm gone."

"Don't. I don't want to think about it."

"I know. I don't either. But we have to. I need to know that you'll be OK."

Of course he wouldn't. Nothing would be OK ever again. His mum was dying and he couldn't do anything. Magic couldn't do anything. What was the point of it if it couldn't save her? But he had to be brave for her and so he sat and listened as she talked about how he'd be happy, one day, she promised, how he'd have a brother and wouldn't that be nice? School, home, family, future...

She died at home, two years after the diagnosis. They had a nurse staying with them to care for her and she was the one who found the body. It was peaceful. Laufey had gone to bed and just never woke up. It could have been much worse. The tumor had started to affect her speech centre and sometimes she couldn't get words out properly. At least she'd been able to wish Loki goodnight and tell him she loved him.

The funeral was small and strange and when he got home, he had to pack up his life and leave.

"Loki, you should take some things to remember your mum."

He didn't know what to take except photos. Everything felt too raw, too painful. Even her paintings, which had always helped, just seemed wrong now. Like her spells had died with her.

And he had to go to a whole new city with a new family and try to figure out how to get to sleep without crying.


	23. Chapter 23

It might have been the longest twelve days of Loki's life. And all the way through, he had to smile and laugh and agree with Amora when she told customers that they were having to move, rental issue, all stock must go, yes, of course we'll have new premises opening soon, give us an address and we'll post the details out to you.

And Thor...

Well, he was around all the time, dropping by on his way to and from work, whenever he had a spare moment. It was like he thought Loki would vanish if he went a day without seeing him.

Being with Thor made his desire worse. Being without Thor made it almost unbearable. Amora laughed at him when she caught him staring into space, leg bouncing anxiously.

"Just kiss him."

"It's not that easy. You know it's not. We have a lot of history, a lot of things said and unsaid."

"And buckets of tension. He's like a lost puppy, practically whimpering for you and you're no better. Stop torturing yourself. Just do it. Get in his lap and lean in and..."

"I can't! I don't want to get his hopes up. If this goes wrong, I'll run again. I'll have to. I can't do that to him, I can't let him think that we're definitely getting back together when it's not definite. No matter how much I want to. It's not fair to give hope and then take it away."

She dropped it after that. He'd made his point. And she decided to stay behind and finish packing their remaining things while he and Thor went to visit Angela Ciel. She'd meet them later, the budget hotel just outside of town already booked. There were two rooms. Loki didn't ask what sleeping arrangement Thor was envisaging.

He was sighing as Loki got into his car, pressing buttons on his phone.

"Fifth message from Mum," he said, undoing the top button of his shirt, like he was tired with today already. "They're really pissed that I'm not going home for my birthday."

Loki made an attempt at a sympathetic face.

"When were you meant to go?"

"All this week. I cancelled very last minute. She must have loads of food prepared or something, keeps begging me to go just this evening."

Loki frowned faintly.

"Today isn't your birthday."

Thor shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess they think I have other birthday plans and don't want to intrude. Probably think I have a date or something. Anyway, shall we?"

Loki was nervous, he couldn't deny it. They were about to turn Angela's life upside-down. And what if she didn't want to help, what then? He'd have to leave. He'd have to sneak out of the hotel and run and he and Amora would have to start all over again from the beginning, new names and identities.

The Mage UK headquarters showed clear evidence of attacks. Slurs graffitied on the outside, scorch marks from arson attempts. They were ushered in by some earnest assistant, put in a scant office and waited awkwardly until Angela Ciel herself walked in.

The power rolling off her was almost palpable, thick and heavy in the air, and Loki realised with a start that she was constantly maintaining shields around herself, apparently with little effort. Amazing really. It ought to be exhausting her.

Then again, looking at the bags under her eyes, maybe it was.

She looked them over, probably checking for weapons, and then went to her chair.

"The famous Odinson," she said icily. "I thought my receptionist had taken leave of her senses when she told me you wanted an appointment. But she didn't say you'd be bringing a fugitive."

Even Thor's usual easy friendliness seemed a little lost, a little stunned by her. His face was a little flushed, eyes darting about nervously. How did she know? The question hung unsaid in the air.

"Dark hair, strong aura, who else could it be but the long-lost Loki? The adoptee. I expect it's important if you've risked coming to see me, so shall we cut to the chase?"

She reminded Loki of himself as a teenager, all sharp and steel. It was almost eerie now they knew. Thought they knew.

Of course, a lot of Loki's prickly ways were reflexive and defensive. He couldn't help but wonder if it was the same for her as well.

"We were meant to get married," he said.

"Believe me, I'm aware. I surmised from your little disappearing act that you felt just as thrilled about that as I was. Had a change of heart?"

"Not even a tiny one."

"Good."

There was no way to ease into this. He'd just have to drop it on her.

"I'm not just Odin's adopted son," he said. "I'm the product of a sperm donation he made to the state in anonymity in return for special treatment by the authority. Possibly one of many children. And we think that you are one too. We think you are our sister."

He didn't know what kind of a reaction he was expecting.

Not hysterical laughter, that's for sure.


	24. Chapter 24

Loki was five when he first realised he wasn't like most other children.

He didn't go to nursery or pre-school, just leapt right in at the start of the real thing. Laufey drilled it into him that using magic was OK in the house, but not in public. Like being naked, she said, OK at home but very rude outside. Don't even talk about magic. It's private.

He didn't understand why she did that until later. Though technically it was illegal to forbid a mage child to attend their local school, there was plenty of anecdotal evidence of places mysteriously filling up, little kids having to take multiple buses just to get an education. There could be trouble. Laufey didn't like trouble. She was not above lying to keep trouble away.

It was obvious why you might not like your child mixing with mages. They were dangerous. Norm children might be able to throw the contents of their pencil cases at one another, but mage kids could pick up whole desks and hurl them around. It wasn't fair to fear them and yet they were feared.

Loki first realised not everyone could do what he could when they became scared of him.

He fell over in the playground, the inexplicable concrete surface great for painting games lines, less friendly to growing children and their constantly shifting centres of gravity.

It tore a hole in both his trousers and his knee, crying as he sat up, friends watching him with the fear of little ones confronted with empathy for the first time, knowing they wanted to help but unsure how.

"Shall I get Miss? That looks sore."

"No," Loki sobbed. The last time, Miss had been too busy, unable to spare him much more than a sticking plaster and a tissue for his tears.

He laid his hand over his knee and carefully pushed, scabbing it over quickly. It was one of the first spells he'd taught himself, learning from his mother. Hers was better, relieving the sting as well as stopping bleeding, but he was proud of his independence. It was better to fix himself than have to show if he had been clumsy.

As an afterthought, he wove the tear in his trousers back together too. Good as new, nearly. Or at least good enough until they could be fixed properly.

And then he looked up and saw the fear in his friends' eyes.

"Sorry," he said. "I know you're not meant to do it around other people but..."

"Are you magic?"

He blinked at the other boy. Of course. Wasn't everyone? Couldn't all adults do these things, if they had the energy and time to spare?

Apparently not. The concept that not everyone was like him and his mother had never occurred to him before.

Word spread fast and soon enough Laufey was summoned to the school office, smudges of paint still on her arms as Loki half hid behind her, only just resisting the urge to cling to her skirt.

"You didn't declare that your son has powers," the head teacher said, peering over her glasses.

"Well, no. Declaration is voluntary at primary school. Isn't that the law? That's what I understood."

"Well, yes, of course, but there will be concerns..."

"What concerns? Has he caused a problem?"

She might bank on making people feel good, but it was a sign of how angry Laufey was, something like a chill in the air despite the bright early autumn sunshine outside.

"The other children say he fell and healed himself in front of their eyes."

"You called me here because my son practised first aid on himself?"

It sounded very harsh when she put it like that and Loki had to try very hard not to smirk at how easily she was winning.

"We worry that it might lead to dangerous behavior, especially among other children when they learn of his... ability. We cannot allow him to use magic for this sort of thing. He's a child. He could very easily seal up the skin and nothing else and before you know it, he'll have been bleeding internally for hours with no sign until he collapses. And since we didn't know he could do such things..."

His mother's lips had gone very thin and she reached down to take Loki's hand.

"I would hate to cause you unnecessary concern. I will find another school for my child as soon as possible. Excuse me."

She wasn't angry with him, she said, just sad, even though he kept saying sorry as she checked his knee and mended everything more skillfully.

"It's not your fault, sweetie. You were just trying to look after yourself. But some norms... They just can't understand us no matter how hard they try."

Loki frowned.

"What's a norm?"

She laughed, just a little too high.

"It's a word you shouldn't say. Some people think it's a bad word, even though there are much worse ones."

His new school was further away than would be ideal, especially for a small boy. Laufey walked with him both ways every day, even though it took time away from her art. This time, he was declared as a mage right from the beginning. No more misunderstandings.


	25. Chapter 25

"You think we're lying?" Thor asked. He was visibly sweating despite the cool room. To be fair, he did seem to be sitting directly beneath the heating vent.

"Maybe," Angela said, trying not to laugh again. "It's certainly one of the odder origin stories anyone has ever come up with for me."

Loki frowned slightly.

"There are others?"

"Of course. Unknown father, the tabloids love it. Plenty speculation about what depraved genes made me this angry, pages of copy to be written about it. Barely concealed moral judgements about my mother, very lucrative that kind of thing. Plenty men wanting to claim me as their daughter too for some reason, mostly decidedly backwards. It's like they think as soon as I have a male figure in my life I'll calm down and get back in the kitchen. But of course I'm not so stupid as to go through with DNA testing, even just to prove them wrong."

"Why not?" Thor asked, face going red. Loki laid a hand on his arm, finding him clammy and warm.

"Because letting someone have a part of you is too dangerous," he explained. "It's old magic, really old. If you have part of someone, it lets you spy on them, put spells on them from a much greater distance. It would be an obvious ploy, to take a hair or a drop of blood supposedly to test it but really for more nefarious reasons."

"But we're not like that, we're genuine..."

"Of course you are," Angela said sarcastically. "Which is why I should totally trust you."

Thor did not like being spoken to like that, annoyance crossing his features, folding his arms and shrugging off Loki's attempt at a placating touch.

"We think we can prove that they were trying to push half-siblings together, like pedigree dogs," he said. "That they had looked at the risks and decided it was worth some poor kid suffering for their whole life for them to control that magic. We want to show everyone and for that we need just a hair and your agreement."

Angela looked him right in the eye.

"Just one hair? You can have the whole lot if you want," she said, pulling off what turned out to be a full red wig concealing a shaved head.

Well, she was certainly secure. Not even a hairbrush to steal, all the shaved stuff probably burned. But just as Loki was sure that she wouldn't help, she sighed and seemed to be almost softening beneath their stunned gaze.

"Send me more evidence," she said. "And I will check it and contact you. You have my contact details. I look forward to being convinced."

Thor was frowning as they left.

"Well, come on, what else did we think would happen?" Loki asked. "I'd be suspicious if I was her too. I think this is a win, I really do."

"It's not that. I'm not feeling great. I... I don't know. Since we went in, I feel sick. Just... not right."

Loki laid a hand on his forehead, finding it burning hot. This was sudden. Far too sudden to be natural. Surely Angela wouldn't have put a spell on him, not so obviously? What possible reason could she have to...?

He tried to catch Thor as his legs suddenly gave out, yelling for help.

"Not you!" he said as Angela came out, wig neatly back in place. "What have you done to him?"

"Me? Not a thing. I thought that power was you."

"Power?"

And now he could feel it, a horrible wave of energy, overheated and almost rusty somehow, and it was coming from Thor's body, spreading out from him in pulses.

"It must be a spell, some kind of... murder attempt. Someone is doing this to him. They're cooking him from the inside. What... What do we do?"

"Let's get him into the building for a start. Given your legal status, I don't think gathering bystanders is a good plan. We'll cool him off in there."

She was right. And when his brain wasn't in panicking overload, terrified and paralysed, he would realise that.

The bright jingle of Thor's ringtone rang out as several staff members from Mage UK helped to carry him into the hallway of their headquarters.

Loki's hands shook as he pulled Thor's phone out of his pocket, looking at the display.

_'Mum'_

He hit the button to answer instantly. There was no time to lose.


	26. Chapter 26

Loki was fourteen years, five months, one week and three days old when he first met Thor.

And, naturally, he hated him.

Thor had everything Loki wanted. A comfortable life, an optimistic outlook, athletic looks and ability, living parents... 

He also had the only bedroom, since the one that would be Loki's was still being converted in the loft. An awkward dinner where everyone walked on eggshells around him was all the warning he had before he was expected to bed down on an air mattress on Thor's floor.

"You can take my bed," Thor said. "You must be tired from the travelling."

"It's fine."

His first night in a strange house. Of course, Laufey had been dead for about a week before the funeral was organised, but during that time, Loki had been staying in a dormitory in emergency accommodation for under 18s. It was almost like being at some kind of summer camp, except for the crushing grief that meant he was visited daily by the bereavement counsellor.

It was good to feel, they told him. Letting your emotions out was key to being able to move on. Crying is nothing to be ashamed of.

He stripped for bed with the easy embarrassment only teenagers seem to feel, painfully aware of how petty such a concern was, considering. It wasn't like Thor would see anything more than he would at the beach, and besides, he was politely looking away until Loki was under the covers, mumbling out a goodnight as he switched off the lamp.

Loki tried his best to hold it in, to not make a sound until Thor's breathing had grown long and steady, surely sleeping.

Only then did he let himself cry. For everything. For how unfair it was that his mother got sick. How unfair that there was no help for her. For how now he had to come and live with strangers and didn't even have peace to cry in by himself.

The routine of waiting and crying lasted three days and on the fourth, Thor got out of bed and tried to get under Loki's blankets.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Loki hissed.

"You were... Sorry, I just thought you might want... Sorry."

Even after Thor was safely back in his own bed, Loki was so mortified that he didn't sleep for hours. What, was Thor going to try to cradle him, hug him better? They'd only just met. It wasn't for Thor to hold him, that was only for...

Well, who? Who was there to help him and look after him now?

Odin was far too flustered around him, too apologetic. He couldn't imagine him ever hugging anyone, let alone drying their tears.

And Frigga was kind, very kind, but he didn't want a new mother. Laufey was his mother and she was irreplaceable and what if Frigga didn't want him anyway? He wasn't her child. He'd been inflicted on her. She wouldn't want him.

But Thor...

Well, Thor was offering. He was trying to make it easier, even though that was obviously impossible. He was trying.

On the seventh night, Loki slipped across to Thor's bed. No words. No questions, no explanations. Just a little comfort in the dark, Thor's arms around him and the warmth of another person. Just being there while Loki cried. Letting him know that he wasn't alone.

His initial plan was to sneak back to his air bed once he felt a little better, but he ended up waking back to back with Thor as Frigga brought them tea the next morning.

He heard them talk about it later, Frigga obviously asking why they'd been in bed together.

"He's sad, Mum. I just wanted to help him, that's all."

"Well, alright. I was worried that the air mattress wasn't comfortable."

If he was honest, Loki did sleep better in Thor's bed. But he wouldn't admit it and soon forced himself to stay in his own space.

After another week or so, his own bedroom was ready, new bed and old dresser, painted a nice but dull magnolia colour. He could brighten it up with posters or whatever else he wanted, they said. Blank canvas.

Getting to sleep that first night when he couldn't hear Thor's breathing was more difficult than he could have imagined after such a short time. But he adapted.

He always did.


	27. Chapter 27

"Frigga?" Loki said.

The line was quiet so long that he thought he'd missed her.

"Loki? My God. Is... Is Thor with you?"

Well, if he wasn't already worried, her lack questioning about where the hell he'd been for four years was just confirming that the situation was serious.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, voice shaking.

"Loki, listen to me. I need you to put me on speaker so I can talk you through this."

"I'm... I'm not alone."

"Just do it. It's alright. Everything's going to be fine."

He didn't believe her. His hands were trembling, hardly able to see through the tears in his eyes to press the right button.

"Tell me what to do," he said, kneeling next to Thor's body and closing his eyes, trying to reach out to his brother. "He's not conscious."

It was so _hot,_ a burning power, white hot. Like lava. Like lightning.

"There's a concealment spell on him. I need you to repair it. There will be a rupture most likely, just stitch it for now and when I see you, I'll do it properly."

He was trying, looking for shields, but there was nothing. Just the sluggish beat of Thor's heart and his laboured breathing and raw magic pouring out of his skin.

"I... I can't, I don't feel it!"

"It's inside out, Loki," Odin's voice now. "It's built around him from the inside."

The inside? No, that wasn't possible. That didn't make sense, that meant it was built into his very skin...

His eyes flashed open and he ripped Thor's shirt open, running his hands carefully over his fevered skin, skin he had touched so many times before, trying to find where the flow was strongest.

It ought to have been over his heart. That's where he expected it to be. But no, he found it on the right of his lower abdomen, magic spewing from there like water through a leak in a ship's hull. Loki was amazed that his fingers didn't blister immediately.

"I've got it," he panted, closing his eyes again to concentrate. "I found it."

"A temporary repair will do. You can do this, you're strong enough."

He was trying, he was trying to grasp the ends of the broken spell, not even trying to darn them so much as knot them together, something, anything, but it was burning him. Magic didn't like being held back and it was fighting him.

He could hear himself screaming with effort and pain when a sudden cool balm washed over him, numbing the sting, helping him.

"Angela?" he panted.

"It's almost done," she said. "You can do this."

Between the two of them, they managed it, sealing up the tear as best they could, the horrible metal tang in the air suddenly subsiding.

Loki fell forwards, panting. That was probably the hardest thing he'd ever had to do without a boost.

"Loki?" Frigga's voice now. "Are you there?"

Angela picked up the phone, taking it off speaker.

"Mrs Borson? Angela Ciel. Yes, that Angela Ciel, Mage UK. That's right. Yes. No, they came to see me about something. Yes, I'll make sure they come home."

Loki tried to sit up, but his head swam a little and so instead he crawled up to Thor to flop down next to him.

Thor's voice was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard.

"Loki?"

"Yeah. I'm here. You're OK."

A few moments later, Thor rolled and threw an arm over him. About as close to holding him as either of them had the energy for.


	28. Chapter 28

Loki was nine when he first heard of a mage exploding on the news. It happened sometimes. There was a build up of energy or a little quirk of biology going awry and then... Boom.

Like a heart attack or an aneurysm. It just happened sometimes. Rarely, very rarely, but still.

The incident in question was one of the more spectacular ones, if that was the right term. The man took out an entire flat from a tower block, smoking rubble falling onto the street below and injuring pedestrians. His wife was hurled out by the blast, falling several feet, and the news had footage of her setting her own bones right there in the road, eyes haunted and glazed.

It scared Loki out of his wits. He probably shouldn't have been watching the late news in the first place, but the damage was done. He didn't want to sleep, too frightened that he might burst in the night. Worse, that his mother might.

He imagined himself crawling from the wreckage of their house, covered in blood, not all of it his own. The fear sat in his stomach like a rock, hurting, making it hard to breathe sometimes.

Laufey tried to help, telling him how rare these things were, showing him statistics and all the ways you could be healthy and let out your energy and make the odds smaller still, but it didn't really make him feel better. After all, _someone_ had to be the one in 500,000.

He grew better at hiding it, that sick feeling whenever anyone so much as mentioned such things. And of course Laufey's death taught him that bangs weren't always what you had to worry about. Sometimes things didn't end that way. Sometimes they just slipped away in the night.

It was probably what morphed into the mild hedonism of his later teen years and onwards. He went from being fastidiously cautious to having a more carefree or even careless attitude. After all, his mother had been careful all her life and had still drawn an unlucky card. Better to live while he could.

Of course, going off to university with Thor a year early, plunging into what felt to his youthful soul like adulthood, didn't help.

This was freedom. No bedtime. No foods discouraged. No parents around to mean moans had to be muffled.

A few hours of classes, a few hours of studying and then his time was his own and his decisions too. Takeaway all week? Why not? Drinking in the middle of the day? Why not? Hanging out casually nude until Thor couldn't stand it anymore and lunged for him? Why the fuck not?

Odin and Frigga had begged them to be careful. Sons of even lesser-known politicians would be reported on if they went out drinking too often. While Loki was under eighteen, they didn't. Thor brought the alcohol home, safe in the knowledge that no-one would comment. 'Students buy more booze than is strictly healthy' was hardly a groundbreaking headline.

And when he could actually go to clubs, Loki revelled in it. The atmosphere, the tension, the music. He loved to dance. He loved stumbling to the nearest fastfood place at three in the morning.

Most of all, he loved that the sound level made him have to talk into people's ears. Especially Thor's.

"I like that shirt. It'll look better on the floor though."

"You look good enough to eat. Maybe I will later."

"Mmm, Thor. I wish I could kiss you right now. I suppose we'll just have to make up for it later."

It was thrilling to say such things in public with no-one the wiser, the more ridiculous and cliched, the more they made Thor laugh even while he blushed slightly, the more he loved it.

But his favourite part was getting to go home, tired muscles and hoarse voice, and share drunken kisses, giggling together in the early hours.

Live for tonight, that was Loki's motto.

Unfortunately, sometimes you really did have to think about tomorrow.


	29. Chapter 29

Angela helped them up, helped them stumble to the car, Loki protesting weakly when she took the keys and headed for the driver's door.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm taking you to your parent's house as soon as you tell me where they live. Neither of you are in any fit state to drive, so I'm sure we can bend the insurance rules a little. Besides, maybe it's about time I met my supposed dad in person, outside of a work environment."

There would obviously not be any kind of arguing with her, so Loki helped Thor into the back and then sat in the middle seat beside him, desperate for closeness. He'd almost lost Thor, the thought kept circling in his head. Oh, the time he'd wasted trying to do the right thing... He could have been holding Thor close, kissing him, making up for lost time and now they were stuck in a car being driven by a woman who was simultaneously their sister and a total stranger.

If Amora had been driving, they could have been making out by now.

"Shit, Amora," he said out loud. "I need to call her. She'll be worried sick if I don't."

Thor was very sleepy, happily handing over his phone so Loki could find the number for the hotel and what rooms they'd booked. Referencing those would be easier than trying to convince the front desk to let them call a lone woman and this wasn't exactly something he felt he could do through cryptic messages.

Getting put through to her room took a little time, but eventually there was a ringing tone, a click and then Amora's voice.

"It's me," Loki said. "There's been a bit of a change of plan..."

He explained it all, or most of it, how Thor had had a strange turn, how they were now heading to the Borson house, that Angela Ciel herself was driving them.

Amora was quiet for a little while.

"I can't take you anywhere," she said affectionately, soothing his worry just a little. "OK, I'll come and meet you there. What's the address?"

By the time he'd given it to her and said goodbye, Thor was looking a little bit brighter, if still dazed.

"What happened?" he asked. "I remember leaving but then I woke up on the floor..."

Loki cuddled into him, Thor's arm automatically coming to rest on his hip. It was almost like no time had passed at all and they were still coming home in taxis after nights out, unable to resist a little contact.

"You fainted. You just... You fainted."

"So why are we going to see Mum and Dad?"

Loki hesitated for a moment and Angela came to his rescue.

"Loki wants you just to get checked out, make sure it wasn't anything serious, and we think the safest option, considering he is a fugitive, is to just go and see your mother. Don't worry. You should rest. Get some sleep."

It didn't seem like Thor believed them, but he soon drifted off, his hand reflexively squeezing Loki's flesh in his sleep from time to time.

Angela coughed lightly from the front.

"So, you... You understand what this is, right?" she asked.

"I have no idea," Loki said, like his mind hadn't been swirling with possibilities from the moment Thor was out of immediate danger.

"Oh, come on. He's not a norm. You felt it. Only someone ridiculously strong could have laid down that kind of heat and at close range too. Only you or I were anywhere near him. Now, normally, I'd say that was a pretty obvious conclusion, except that his mother called and talked you through fixing him. Which suggests she's done it before. Which suggests she knows..."

Loki didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.

Because the only conclusion he could reach that covered everything was that Thor was not a norm. He was a mage after all, but that Odin and Frigga had... had hidden it from everyone, had somehow concealed it. Even from Thor himself.

But why? Why would they do that? It had almost torn their family apart. It had put Thor at risk, why would they...?

It was too much.

He cuddled in tighter, laying a gentle kiss against Thor's shoulder, and prayed that his life wasn't about to fall apart when they found out the truth.


	30. Chapter 30

Loki was seventeen when their secret was closest to being discovered.

They were celebrating. Their exam results had arrived, confirming that both of them had got the grades they needed for their university of choice. They'd called both parents at work, preening under the congratulations and the promise of cake and champagne later, a little party for the four of them.

And then Loki had looked at Thor and saw the very same glint in his eye that he knew he was wearing and then they were rushing upstairs and tumbling into Thor's bed, cramped though it was now that they were almost fully grown.

"Mmm, baby, slow down," Thor murmured as Loki's fingers tripped over his buttons. "Lie back, let me."

He was being too slow deliberately, carefully peeling off Loki's clothes piece by piece and laying kisses over every new inch of skin.

"Thor, come on. I'm ready. I want it."

"Can't I worship my smart baby for a bit longer?"

Loki cringed.

"We're not in some kind of 80s film, you don't need lines like that. Come on, less romantic, more pornographic."

Thor laughed at that, hands going to his belt.

"Once we're far away," he said, like they'd be going across country rather than basically a half-hour drive from home. "I'm going to romance the fuck out of you. Flowers, cards, candlelit dinner... Baths. _Massage._ Mmm, I'll make it so good for you, work out all the little knots in your shoulders and your feet..."

"And then fuck me senseless?" Loki said hopefully.

"No... Then I'd make very gentle and careful affectionate love to you."

"Gross!"

It didn't come out the way he wanted it to, his breath being ripped out by Thor pushing in, not even undressed, trusting that Loki had already magically prepared himself. Of course he had. He always did.

"You know," Loki said as Thor started slowly and gently rolling his hips. "When we're far away, I can finally stop holding back. I'll have your cock on tap, all day and all night. Anytime I want, a nice, hard pounding."

"Is that what you want?"

"Yeah. Oh, I'll make it so good for you. Tell you just how it feels, let out everything I've had to hold back... Oh, Thor, yes, there..."

"You might not be able to," Thor said, breathlessly. "Maybe I'll be kissing you too much."

"Maybe you'll be fucking me so hard I won't be able to breathe. Filling me up so well, so deep. Oh, I can't wait."

Thor chuckled as Loki's eyes fell closed.

"Are you seriously fantasising about me fucking you while I'm actually fucking you?"

"Just imagining all the things you'll do and say to me. Tie me up maybe. Blindfolds. Chocolate sauce. Ah, fuck, Thor... You like that idea?"

It had been a particularly firm thrust, exactly what Loki wanted.

"We're going to have such fun," Loki said, reaching for his cock. He just needed a little more and he'd spill, just a little.

"It'll be perfect," Thor said. "Sleeping in the same bed. Morning kisses just like Paris."

"Morning sex. Mmm, more..."

So Thor had given him more, speeding up and pressing deeper and all too soon they were coming, panting into each other's mouths, tangling together afterwards. Thor started drawing random patterns around Loki's wrist with his fingertips.

"It can't be all sex all the time, you know."

"Why not? If we want it to be."

"Sometimes you have to let me play boyfriends, OK? I want to surprise you with nice things. I want to cook for you and cuddle on the couch and fall asleep with you in my arms. I want to kiss you good morning when I bring you tea. I want..."

"You want to pretend we're normal," Loki said, not even a question.

"Well, why not?" Thor said, sitting up. "I love you and I want to be with you. No more sneaking around, no more carefully timed hugs. If I want to hold you for hours, then I will. If I want to tell you how much I love you, then I will."

It sounded nice, too nice, and Loki was loathe to give Thor any more hope. Sometimes he woke up in a mad panic that Thor would come to his senses and call a halt to all of this. A fatalistic part of him was sure that this couldn't last forever.

"Fine," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Then in return for all that mush, you have to agree that if I suddenly decide I want to suck you off, I might just drop to my knees in the kitchen and do it."

There was a pause while Thor clearly imagined that situation and Loki laughed.

"Suddenly not so romantic when there's a chance of a blow job, huh?"

Thor grinned.

"Actually, I was thinking about how that would be _our_ kitchen. How I could make you pancakes or take you breakfast in bed. Learn to bake in time for your birthday..."

Loki swatted at him and Thor swatted back and before long they were playfully wrestling, a bout that would segue effortlessly into another round of sex if Loki had anything to do with it, when they heard Frigga calling.

They froze. She wasn't meant to be here so soon. And they were glowing and smelled of sex and Loki was naked in Thor's bed. Leaking with Thor's come.

"Thor? Loki?"

Loki leapt up and grabbed his clothes, ducking into Thor's wardrobe and cursing himself for not learning an invisibility spell.

An air freshening spell wouldn't go amiss either. Hopefully she'd assume it was just Thor occupying himself and not mention it.

"I thought I could take off half an afternoon to celebrate with my boys," Frigga's voice from the doorway. "Have you seen your brother?"

"Er..." Thor said. "Yeah, I think he said he was going to take a shower before dinner. You know how he is. If there's any risk that a camera might appear, he wants his hair to be just how he likes it."

Inexplicably, it worked, and Frigga went downstairs to put the kettle on.

Once her footsteps had receded, Loki rushed out and crossed the landing to get into the bathroom in a flash, setting the water running right away.

That had been close.

Far too close.

He couldn't wait for the day when they wouldn't have to worry about that kind of thing.


	31. Chapter 31

The only reason Loki wasn't furious when they arrived at what had been his adolescent home was his worry for Thor. He was no longer feverish, but he was still warm and even with Angela's aid, helping him stagger inside was difficult. He seemed a little dazed still, confused by what was happening.

Frigga wore a pinched and worried expression, Odin's lips going thin as Loki guided Thor towards the couch in the main living room, getting pulled down on top as he tried to ease him onto it.

"Where're you going?" Thor mumbled. "Don't leave me."

"I'm... I'm not leaving, I just need to go talk to your mum, OK? Let go, I'll be right back."

Thor gazed at him with bleary eyes, smiling a little.

"OK. I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too."

He managed to extract himself from Thor's embrace and tiptoed out into the hall, mindful that he didn't want to yell, he didn't want to disturb Thor or distress him at all but also he wanted answers. Odin led them all silently to the more formal sitting room, asking Angela to sit in awkward tones.

"He's... He's one of us, isn't he?" Loki said. "Thor has magic."

"We were going to tell you," Odin said. "When the time was right."

"Should I leave you in peace?" Angela asked, about to get up, but Loki took her wrist to make her stay. She'd helped to save Thor. He wanted someone else in his corner.

"You were going to tell me? What about Thor? Were you going to tell him? He doesn't know. You've lied to him his whole life, you've put spells on him without him knowing... Why? Why did you do it?"

"To save him," Frigga said, getting up and pacing, twisting her hands nervously. "Even before he was born, I felt it, the heat. Now you have too. All that energy, that burning... It's a rare power type. I don't know the term now. In my day, we called them Palmers."

Loki frowned. Palmers? He'd never heard of that.

"Because they burn, like napalm," she explained. "You know what happens to them, don't you? Especially strong ones capable of such destruction. They go into the military, but not as soldiers. They become weapons. I felt that power in him and I knew what they would do. They'd take him away. Even as a child, they would take him, I knew it. I used to hear stories, ones I didn't want to believe, but I couldn't risk it. I could feel his potential and so could they."

"He'd be a human nuclear warhead," Angela said. "Everyone would fear him. He'd be a huge risk wherever he was because they'd boost him, make him unstable... He could take out whole armies without trying."

Odin managed to make Frigga stop walking, his arm around her shoulders as he took her back to her chair.

"The moment we realised, while Frigga was still pregnant with him, we began experimenting with concealment," he said. "New ways of doing it, undetectible ways, things no-one would notice or look for. And then when Thor was born, we... We did it, before the standard magic test. We hid all traces of power on him. Even though they might have split us up for it. We thought it was worth the risk."

Loki was shaking, his hands trembling in front of him.

"How did you get the energy out?" he asked. "You can't restrict it like that, he could explode..."

"The spell turns his power inwards. Magic flows through Thor's veins and he feeds on it. His energy, his strength, it comes from there. Effectively, he metabolises it harmlessly."

Well, they'd certainly had their plans all figured out, hadn't they?

"You have to understand, Loki," Odin said. "We were trying to protect our son. We'd do anything for him, you know that."

There were tears in Loki's eyes when he managed to look up.

"Yeah. I know. And I get it. But then they told you to have more children and you... You didn't want us. You just did what you were told."

"I did it for Thor."

"I know. You lied and you hid and you pretended to follow the rules for Thor. I understand. But then I think about all of them, the fatherless children whose mothers had no choice but to have them and I wonder if anyone ever cared about most of them half as much as you care for Thor. Did you ever even spare them a thought?"

"Every day! Anytime I see a mage of the right age, I wonder if they are my child. It's torture. But I had to do it. Would you rather I let them take Thor, let them use him to kill people? Let them take his future away, let them treat him as a machine?"

"I love him!" Loki yelled, then suddenly aware that he was yelling and bringing his voice down. "I love him more than anything, more than anyone. And I almost hate myself for it because after all the suffering and pain, I know that I am selfish enough to let it all happen again as long as Thor was safe."

There was a horribly long pause as they all tried to get their emotions in check. Angela decided to break the silence.

"Sorry to be morbid," she said. "But since the concealment would need to be replaced every year, what were you going to do for after you died?"

Frigga sighed.

"We were going to tell you, Loki," she said. "And then you could have kept him safe."

He heard himself laugh, a horrible, ugly sound.

"Ah, the convenient half-sibling. And if I'd died, in a car accident or something? What then?"

She didn't know. She clearly didn't know what they would have done. And looking into her eyes, he saw himself in the underground, just surviving, just going forwards. He knew that look, short-term planning, living for tonight. But tomorrow needed attention too.

"We need to tell him," Loki said. "It's unfair not to. He's not a kid anymore, he'll understand..."

"No," Odin said. "He'd never forgive us."

"Never forgive you for what?"

They hadn't heard Thor move until he spoke from the doorway, leaning heavily on the frame. Loki's mouth dropped open, trying to think of something, anything to say to distract him.

Fortunately at that point, the doorbell rang, the cheerful musical chime seeming completely out of place.

"Ah," Loki said, leaping to his feet. "I think that's my sham wife."


	32. Chapter 32

Loki was 25 when he learned concealment spells.

He'd arrived at the safe house in the early hours following multiple changes of cars, buses and trains to random rendezvous points, face changers impersonating him to further confuse the trail and collapsed into an unfamiliar bed right away. He was too exhausted to focus on his pain at leaving Thor, though their last night together seemed like a distant memory.

He wasn't exactly sure what his life would entail in the country, but it turned out to be something like a crash course on how to remain hidden.

He cut off his hair. He changed the way he held himself. He learned not to automatically react to his name.

And he was _bored,_ crushingly bored.

He desperately needed things to do to keep his mind occupied, away from thoughts of home and Thor. Away from staring at the comb and being tempted.

There were two people who visited, bringing him food deliveries and sometimes spending a bit of time with him. No names. Not even fake ones. It was safer that way apparently. No chance of their identities being revealed if he was caught.

His only connection to the outside world was a wind up radio. He followed the news of his own disappearance from a strange, exterior perspective. Like it was someone else gone, someone else's family looking for them.

Loki grew addicted to The Archers and other radio dramas in his desperation for stimulation. He was afraid to leave the house to go running even. Not because he feared he'd be caught, but because the house was invisible and he was worried that he wouldn't be able to find it again.

He read. There wasn't much else to do except dance to the radio and lie around and clean. The house was full of books from dull Reader's Digest condensed versions of novels he'd never heard of to forbidden books about illegal spells.

Technically concealment wasn't illegal. It was accepted that it could be a safety measure. But you weren't meant to be concealing whole buildings. It was hard work, usually requiring boosting, which was illegal in itself.

It seemed like a very useful skill and he asked his new friends to teach him, helping out on repairing any weak points on the house's security.

By the time he left and went back to the city - maybe not the wisest of choices, but familiarity and outside appealed immensely - he was pretty good at it. He concealed his surroundings often. Just in case. It became something of an obsession if he was honest. He wanted to be invisible. To go unseen.

It wasn't until he met Amora that he learned one of the best ways to be invisible was to go unnoticed. And then to be noticed a little, but calculatedly. Only a little. Be there, but not completely. Be seen, but not completely.

But by the time they were moving into a real home together, he was an expert. His spells were nearly invisible themselves, let alone what was behind them.

And it meant he tended to notice sloppier versions around him. It was difficult to describe what it was like, but sometimes he'd be walking down the street and he'd feel it. Like a sudden burst of silence. Like a window without glass. Just... something slightly off. A house, or more often one room, that was just not quite right, but you couldn't tell unless you knew exactly what you were looking at.

It always made Loki smile. It meant there were other people like him out there. And they were surviving. That was the main thing.

It gave him hope.


	33. Chapter 33

Amora entered the Borson house with wide eyes.

"This is where you lived when you were a teenager?" she whispered. "Oh, my God. Sorry. I just can't imagine you in the suburbs."

He wished he could regale her with tales of his youth, but now was not the time. He had to awkwardly introduce her to his family and Angela. Who was technically family and had Amora coming over a little starstruck. Fortunately, Angela seemed to find that charming.

Really very charming, if the way her eyes stuck to Amora's face even after they'd sat down was anything to go by.

But there was no time for Loki to think about how interesting it was to see her displaying any kind of warm emotion. He had to get back to the most awkward of family reunions.

Frigga was wearing the rictus grin of a woman trying desperately to be suitably polite to strangers in her home while at the same time dealing with parts of her life being turned upside down. She was doing very well. If Loki didn't know her, he'd never suspect there was anything wrong.

But both she and Loki tensed when Thor groaned and clutched his side. Not subtly either. Thor looked at them with some alarm.

"What? It's probably just cramp, just slept awkwardly. What, you think it's something serious?"

Loki looked at Odin. Odin looked at Frigga. Frigga looked at Thor with so much sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry..."

"What? What is it?"

"You're not a norm," Loki said. "You're one of us."

Thor stared at them, shaking his head a little. Loki could feel a spell to his right, Amora looking for the trace, the evidence. There was only a little, around the patch Loki had done on the concealment. There was a small amount clinging there, like a blood stain. He heard her gasp.

"But... But I'm not," Thor said. "I can't be. They did all the tests."

"We hid it," Frigga said. "Concealment spells. We hid it from everyone. Even you. Thor, I'm so sorry, but we did it to protect you..."

"I'm not a mage! I... I used to try so hard to do things, to do what you can do, but I can't. I just can't, you... You've made a mistake."

"Thor," Loki said quietly. "Do you still have your drainer cuffs in your car? You should get them. Put them on. Then we can take off the spell holding your power back and let it come on slowly. You'll be safe. I promise."

He flinched a little when Thor glared at him.

"Did you know about this?"

"Of course not. You think I'd keep that from you? Of course I didn't know. But trust me. It's true. I felt it."

It was horrible to see Thor afraid. It wasn't right watching him pull himself to his feet and hobble out of the room like he was recovering from a pulled muscle.

The rest of them were left in awkward silence until Amora chirpily told Odin and Frigga that she'd heard so much about them. She was trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't really work. The little hand squeeze she gave Loki did make him feel a little better though.

Thor returned with his cuffs and awkwardly forced his own wrists into them.

"See?" he said. "No effect."

"You're still under concealment. And you... You might want to lie on the floor," Loki said. "Those things are harsh. But you'll wake up to it slowly. I think it's the best way.""

He could hardly bear it, seeing Thor get on his knees and lie back, ending up crouching next to his brother's body for the second time that day, taking his hand but avoiding the metal as best he could.

"Will it hurt?" Thor asked.

Loki wished he had something reassuring to say. Frigga closed her eyes, reaching out to her son even as she trembled and Loki _felt_ it go. Like opening a freezer. Like opening an oven. Like plunging into water.

Thor gasped, kicking out as the cuffs took effect immediately, draining his power safely. Still, it must have felt like having his entire blood supply replaced or a whole week's worth of exhaustion hit at once.

"Loki?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's alright, I'm here, you're OK."

"I'm... Oh, I'm suddenly so tired, baby."

"That's OK. You go to sleep. I'm here."

"Ugh, but if I sleep I can't give you the fucking you deserve."

Loki felt ice run down his spine.

"You... I think you've got me confused with someone else, Thor."

"Oh, don't worry, Lokes... There's no-one here and I don't have to work tomorrow, we can stay up all night... You've been away so long, I want to see how different you look under all those clo..."

His head lolled to the side, the hint of a teasing smile clinging to his lips. Loki looked up at his adopted parents without much defense springing to mind.

"If we're sharing deep dark family secrets," he said, hearing his voice from far away. "We were... together for a few years before I ran away. _Together_ together. Er... Yeah..."

Angela coughed behind him.

"Also we think I might be your daughter," she said. "Through the whole donation thing."

But before any of them could react to either of those revelations, Thor began to scream and Loki realised with horror that the cuffs were melting from his wrists, molten metal rolling off him like water and dripping onto the floor.


	34. Chapter 34

Loki was ten when he first became curious about what exactly happened to mages caught breaking the law.

He heard about it often enough. The news often featured stories about illegal enhancement factories being raided or trials against mages who had been caught pretending to be less powerful than they were. Every few years there were new calls for compulsory magic checks done at random, until it was pointed out that the whole population would have to be tested to be sure. The invasion of privacy for norms and the prohibitive costs generally ended such plans.

Laufey told him the facts as if his questions would just stop. That it was the same as with norm criminals. They went to prison.

Loki frowned, her answer only provoking further concerns.

"But how can they keep them inside? Why don't they shrink the bars or something and escape?"

"Well, they go to a special prison where the walls are repellent to magic. They can perform simple spells, but they cannot affect the building or their room."

"How do the norms make it magic proof?"

"They don't. There are mage guards to do it for them."

And that was horrifying. Mage guards, enchanting the rooms to be magic proofed? Mage guards implicit in the detention of other mages?

"Why?" he demanded. "Why would they do that? They're mages too, they should be helping..."

"Not all mages are good, sweetie. I know it's easy to think it's us against them, but we have our fair share of dangerous people. It's important that there is a secure place for them to keep everyone safe. Some criminals have to wear draining cuffs all the time, just to keep everyone safe. And themselves too."

It made sense, but he was still uneasy about it. He started to listen to the news more and more, about the rewards given to informers or how reduced sentences were given to those who named other unregistereds. Even though he knew that was the law, it still made him a little uneasy.

"You don't need to worry," Laufey said whenever he mentioned these concerns. "You're registered. You don't have to hide anything."

Years later, he would look back on that and laugh.

Around the middle part of secondary school, they were encouraged to think about careers and the moment she understood that Loki was a mage, the advisor began producing leaflets about law enforcement. He could have tests, see how easily he could detect other people's spells. Not that Loki needed them. He knew how sensitive he was. He could always tell when Frigga was stirring something in the kitchen while simultaneously reading her book or when Odin was setting the mop flowing around the utility room.

He'd be a real asset to the force, but that wasn't what he wanted to do. He wasn't sure what exactly he did want to do. Change things, he supposed, but with no idea where to even start.

Thor's life was pretty well spelled out to him. Go to university, do well, move into politics. Follow in his father's footsteps, perhaps with more success since he wouldn't be fighting the uphill struggle against prejudice. Picking out just what he wanted to do at university proved more difficult.

As far as Loki was concerned, it didn't really matter for either of them. Their degrees were essentially just to prove that they could apply themselves and write well and work both as an individual and a group and stick to deadlines and all the other things employers looked for. As long as they enjoyed themselves, that was the main thing.

He didn't have to hide very much. Not back then.


	35. Chapter 35

Loki felt the shield hit, an unfamiliar flavour of magic and therefore Angela. She'd covered Thor but nothing else, leaving him screaming in a little bubble.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "Stop!"

"If he blows, he'll take out this entire street. We need containment."

She was right, he knew she was right, but he wasn't going to give up so easily. Frigga's mouth was open in silent horror and Odin seemed close to collapse. Their son. Their Thor. _Loki's_ Thor.

"Let me in," he said urgently. "Let me go in there and talk him through it. He doesn't know how to control himself. Please!"

She was straining but still managed to look at him like he'd just sprouted another head. But then she wavered and he felt the sudden heat that was flowing from Thor as she opened her spell a little to let him in.

There wasn't much room. The shield was only as big as it needed to be. He ended up lying next to Thor, who was shaking and whimpering, like he had a terrible fever.

Loki tried to take his hand, but found them burning hot. And Thor seemed completely insensible when he tried to talk to him.

It wasn't even a case of cooling him down, not really. The magic wanted to get out, it wanted to run free, but Thor knew no spells and with the drainers now useless, he'd have to do it himself.

He'd never done this before, but he'd read the theory a long time ago. A medical book in the safe house. It had been about draining off toddlers' extra energy to help them sleep and to discourage spell casting after bedtime. Of course, he hadn't planned to have children, so he'd just skimmed it. He really wished he'd paid more attention now.

He reached forwards blindly, hardly able to figure out even where Thor's heart was. This was his strength and energy, this was what had powered him through years of going to the gym, of sports training, picking Loki up and carrying him around or holding him up against the wall.

It was so _bright._ That was the hardest thing. Even though it wasn't really his physical eyes, it still felt like it was, and Loki found himself trying to squeeze them shut even tighter. It was like trying to look into the sun.

But he had to do this. He had to. He had to save Thor.

He knew that his real hand was on Thor's chest, could feel his pounding heartbeat through his fingertips, and he knew that he was crying out with pain, but his mind was strangely calm. Serene, even. There was too much fear for him to process as he laid his other hand on the floor.

The carpet was burning, a slight plastic smell drifting up as Loki let Thor's magic drain through him into the ground. Not a perfect solution, but at least easing the pressure.

And utter agony. Loki wondered if his heart would stop, the pain just too much, like having his bones replaced with molten gold. The routine he was following was designed for the energy of children, not that of a fully grown man.

It was working though. Thor's power no longer felt like the sun, but like a hot coal, too much to touch, but manageable with care. Could he stop? Dare he stop?

Thor suddenly gasped, as though waking, the sound knocking Loki out of his trance, finding Thor's eyes open and looking lucid and terrified. He tried to sit up, hitting his head on Angela's surprisingly solid shield.

"Loki?!"

"Thor? Thor, listen to me. I need you to control yourself. You need to control your magic."

"I... I can't, it hurts..."

"I know. I know it does. But you can do this. Just close your eyes and reach inside. Can you see it?"

"I think so. It's so hot..."

"Imagine... Imagine a grate around it. A fireplace. If it's in there, it's safe, it's controlled. You can control it, Thor, you're stronger than it."

The temperature was dropping from searing to something more manageable. Thor was doing it. He was handling this. Loki dragged himself on top and kissed him with heat-chapped lips.

"Is... Is this how you feel all the time?" Thor asked. "Like you're only just holding it in?"

"It will get easier. You'll get used to it. It will become normal"

The air in the room felt chilly when Angela lowered the shield. Part of Loki felt he ought to be embarrassed, lying in Thor's arms like this, but he didn't care.

Until he opened his eyes and realised that the authority had arrived and had them all surrounded.


	36. Chapter 36

Loki was 27 when he was first aware that he was being followed on his way home. Watched by a stranger.

He'd been making a drop. Now that he and Amora were earning actual money, they wanted to give back to the underground. Paying the help they'd had forwards. Helping out the new batch of unregistereds or runaways, helping them get back on their feet.

It was something of a moral quandary. After all, there were official charities to help homeless people whether mages or not and to provide counselling to broken families, that kind of thing. That was what you were meant to do, go through official means.

But the charities couldn't help everyone. Not everyone could reveal themselves. And yes, that was because some of them were criminals, potentially dangerous ones too, but then again so were they. And so they agreed that every few months or so they would visit a known drop-off point and leave some money, used notes in a bulldog clip. Sometimes the next time they passed, there'd be a symbol daubed on the tree or wall or whatever, a little sign of thanks.

Loki preferred doing it. Maybe it was sexist of him, but he didn't like the idea of Amora going out alone at night to dangerous places.

Especially when he realised that he had definitely been followed.

He'd checked that the coast was clear when he dropped his bundle, but maybe that wasn't enough because there were definitely footsteps behind him. At a crossroads, he risked looking back, pretending he was checking for traffic.

A man - or maybe a woman, it was hard to say - wearing a hooded coat, head down. Loki crossed the road and ducked into a dark alley. The hooded figure followed.

Loki doubled back along another street, one that it made no sense for him to go down. Still following. Right.

It definitely wasn't coincidence or his imagination, so he had to think quickly. Safety. Safety in numbers, that's what he needed, he needed to get into a crowd. Unfortunately, being late on a Tuesday night when shops were closed and the nearest busy bars several streets away, that was more easily said than done.

He headed for a larger road anyway. Luck might be on his side, or he could at least try to cross to the other side and flee down a random street before his tail managed to catch up.

A few hundred yards along a well lit open road, heading in a straight line, and Loki was starting to wonder if he'd made the wrong choice. He was so obvious here. They could follow him anywhere.

But then potential sanctuary. A sign, lit up, just ahead. Open 24 hours, a single corner shop.

He ducked inside, the bright electronic bell ringing loudly, waking up the young man, late teens at most, behind the counter. He looked tired. No doubt this was his parents' shop and he was bullied into taking the nightshift.

Milk. Milk was innocent. 90% of the population bought milk. It was a good cover story. Loki perused the shelf as though he couldn't choose between semi-skimmed and full fat, waiting for the chime to go. He must have been seen going in. Once the chaser followed him, he could sneak out and make a bolt for it.

Nothing. Which meant they were waiting outside. Shit.

Loki opened his wallet as though checking his loose change and tried to glance outside. Too many posters advertising that week's special offers, he couldn't see anything. But surely that meant he couldn't be seen either...

He approached the counter, handing over his bottle of milk to be run up. The boy handed him his change as Loki slid a twenty across the counter.

"Is there another exit?" he asked softly, a last ditch attempt at escape.

The boy looked at him and snatched the note.

"Go through the door in the back and you'll find the customer toilet there, sir."

Loki blinked once and then walked through, unsure if he was unknowingly walking into a trap. There was a single cubicle, with a lock. He threw it shut as he heard the chimes ring, the boy saying something about the bathroom. Shit... Shit, shit.

Window. Of course. It was small and high and he had to stand on the cistern and haul himself out with great effort, but he managed it, his bottle of milk still reflexively clutched between his thumb and forefinger. He heard someone trying to break down the door as he dropped into the alley behind the shop and a higher voice, the boy's mother perhaps, protesting as he sprinted off into the night.

He took a long and meandering way home, hurrying but suspicious, finally double locking the front door and stumbling into a chair.

"Are you alright?" Amora asked, in her pyjamas and clearly worried sick. "You were gone for ages."

"I stopped to get milk."

He didn't need to say anything else, she just knew. Something had happened. She knew that he needed to be held tightly until he felt safe again and could bring himself to put the milk away in the fridge.

They already had two full bottles.


	37. Chapter 37

No-one was cuffed, but there were guns all around so everyone was on their best behaviour. Throwing shields up against bullets could lead to ricochets and no-one wanted that. Cooperate and explain, that was the way.

"We've had reports of a fugitive sighting," one of the officers said. He seemed to be the leader. All stubble and harsh eyes.

Of course. This was a quiet street, the kind where an unfamiliar car parked outside was something to be gossiped about. Half carrying Thor inside, Loki hadn't thought to look out for twitching curtains. A neighbour must have seen them, recognised him, maybe Angela too, and reported it.

"We are dealing with something of an emergency," Angela said, her jaw tight. "Before you arrest any of us, could you please send a doctor? We have a manifestation situation."

Loki was aware that Thor was holding him tightly, protectively, but that he was angry. His hands were growing hot where he was touching Loki's shoulders.

"You're not taking him," he growled while Loki tried to hush him, calm him down.

It was odd. They seemed nervous. Then again, they were in a room with all the combined power of Mr and Mrs Borson, their adopted son, an unknown female mage and Angela Ciel who was basically considered a criminal in all but conviction. Amora's hands were twitching nervously and there was a strange mix of fear and rage in Frigga's eyes. This was dangerous ground.

Thor finally let go of Loki and needed only a little help to stagger to his feet, standing in a little circle of burned carpet and cooling metal. He immediately took hold of Loki's wrist again, like a child with a security blanket.

"You know who I am?" he asked, swaying slightly. "Thor Odinson of the metropolitan devision. I'm putting these people under house arrest for aiding and abetting Loki Laufeyson..."

"I heard that you quit," one of them said, though it seemed more like a question.

Thor didn't dignify it with acknowledgement.

"His adoptive parents, Odin and Frigga Borson, his wife, Amora Silbern, and of course, his half-sister, Angela Ciel."

That stunned them. A few of them lowered their weapons, looking to their leader in confusion. They'd been sent on a standard arrest warrant, not something as high profile as this.

"I recommend that you inform your superiors," Thor said. "And decide how to deal with me and my family afterwards."

He leant a little heavily on Loki but was still somehow imposing. After a few seconds' stand-off, the leader spoke into his radio and signaled his men to leave. Loki felt like he could breathe for the first time in several minutes.

"Doctor!" Angela yelled after them.

Thor found his way to a chair, half dragging Loki with him, like he couldn't bear to let go.

"I don't need a doctor," he grumbled as Loki perched on the arm.

"You've just had adult powers dropped on you. Looks like entirely exothermic ones too, very strong and hard to control. You need to be checked over, you need help learning to handle this."

"I have Loki."

"Who is not a doctor."

They glared at one another across the room, both as stubborn as each other. She was fitting in with the family right away it seemed. Thor broke first, looking away, his thumb tapping against Loki's skin.

"Sorry about the carpet, Mum," he murmured.

Frigga let out something close to a sob, but Loki thought it was relief. That had been close. Once his panic wore off, he'd probably be hit by it too.

Odin clapped his hands together.

"Right," he said. "Darling, why don't you make some tea? I think we could all do with some. I'll go and get the air mattresses out. Then we can make Loki's old bed, get out the good towels..."

Practical as ever. That was how he coped. He had reacted to Loki's unexpected arrival by converting a room after all. If he could handle this by building an extension, he probably would.

Frigga began to head to the kitchen but didn't make it. She ended up kneeling by Thor's chair and hugging him, weeping gently, so grateful to have her son safe.

Loki felt his heart melting just looking at them, but there was hope there too.

Maybe somehow they'd make it through this relatively unscathed.

Maybe everything would be alright.


	38. Chapter 38

Loki was six when he went to his first session with the mage doctor.

It was compulsory every few years for magic children up to the start of secondary school, just in case they had problems. The early sessions were combined with checking on their eyesight and hearing, spacial awareness, communication, all the usual things.

"Can you move this for me, Loki? Can you light up this room? Can you heat up this water?"

There wasn't much that Loki couldn't do except change his appearance at will. Not properly anyway. He could throw an illusion, but it wouldn't move in sync with his body. He definitely couldn't physically alter his bone structure like real face changers could. Anything else they asked, he could do. And then they asked him about his home life, his mother, lots of little innocuous questions to make sure he was happy and healthy.

He was advanced, they said. Very strong and skilled for a child of his age.

And having been given such a glowing report, Loki then had to learn not to use magic for day to day activities, even when it made much more sense to. Why would he carry his schoolbag if he could make it hover alongside him? The amount of energy needed was the same, but his shoulders never got sore. But no, that wasn't allowed. He had to carry his things like everyone else.

At home though... Well, at home he could play.

It was healthy to get his energy out, though where other children were taught not to throw things or hit, Loki was taught not to set things on fire or hurt himself by exhausting his powers moving heavy things. Other children built blanket forts. Loki did too, but his were enchanted to look like wood cabins or military tents. Other children made up stories and games. Loki played with his surroundings, changing them to match his mood.

He was a lonely child. There weren't any children his age on their street and his school friends lived a little too far away for regular visits. Birthday parties came and went, though Loki didn't like them much. He'd been embarrassed on one occasion when he asked whose magic was keeping the balloons up and the other children had teased him about it.

They couldn't explain it themselves even. This kind of balloon floats, that's all they knew. A kindly parent explained to him about helium gas, but the damage was done. His difference to his school friends was enforced once again. Weren't they curious? What was it like, going through life without wondering?

Loki was good at wondering. He wondered why he didn't have a dad like the other children did. Some of them had dads who lived far away or who didn't visit too often, but they had them. They met them.

He wondered if non-mages felt different to him. What was it like in their heads? Was it quiet or were their minds full of rushing thoughts too? Eventually he came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if you were a mage or not, there were some people with too many thoughts and some who seemed to have very few.

He wondered if he would grow up normal. Whatever normal was. Whether he'd get a job, get married, have children. Or would his life be different? Maybe he was destined for greater things somehow.

He knew his magic was strong. He'd be very powerful when he was a grown-up. The doctor said so.

Maybe he was special.

Maybe he was destined for great things.

Maybe one day his father would return and tell him that he was the chosen one, he was the one who would solve everything, who would make things better for everyone.

It was one of his favourite daydreams and one of the hardest things to get over.

But sometimes in his adult life, lying next to Amora in the home that they had built, so much better than the life they had been living, he would think about the other people they were helping, even in just a small way.

Sometimes his mind would go unbidden to Thor. Had he made life better for Thor? He liked to think so. Maybe somewhere he was thinking of the happy times they'd spent together, the happy memories. They'd always have those, at least.

Maybe making things better for every person in the world was too big an ask, but at least he had made things better for one of them. Even if it was only a little bit.


	39. Chapter 39

The doctor's name was Helen and she described herself as a low-level mage. She listened with rapt and shocked attention to their story of how Thor had never felt his powers before, and then asked to see him alone.

Loki didn't want to leave him, but knew it was necessary. Also necessary was facing Odin and Frigga and explaining himself.

"I didn't want to be married," he said quietly. "I could see no other way out except running. And of course, with Thor... I just couldn't..."

"Did he start it?" Odin demanded. "Your... relationship?"

"No. No, he... He was the sensible one, he resisted. I wanted it. So did he, but he knew it wasn't appropriate. And I just... didn't care. He didn't abuse me or groom me or anything. I wanted it. I made the first move."

They still looked concerned. He didn't really want to elaborate, but he felt he ought to.

"It started in Paris. Well... It developed from just wanting to actual... you know, stuff. And then we just carried on. We moved out together and shared a bed and we lived as partners for all those years. I love him and I know that I shouldn't but I do. Even seeing him again after four years, it all came flooding back, how much I've missed him and need him."

"What about Amora?" Frigga asked.

"Oh, she knows. I was honest with her about it, right from the start."

He went on to explain their whole situation, being married, what they'd built together. Their lives, their survival. How Thor had stumbled across him and told him his suspicions about Angela.

They listened quietly, letting him explain as best he could, and then Frigga took his hand.

"I may not fully understand your relationship with Thor," she said carefully. "But I know that you love him and he loves you."

He took that as a blessing.

There was a knock on the kitchen door, Dr Helen looking in.

"Excuse me, Mr Borson? Thor is very insistent that I take a sample of your blood to test along with Ms Ciel's and Mr Laufeyson's. I tried to take hers, but she seems to be very busy carefully sowing hints of this story to the press so... Would you mind? I'll do Mr Laufeyson first though. Thor wants to see him as soon as possible."

"How is he?" Loki asked, rolling up his sleeve for the little needle and capsule, wincing just a little as it went in.

"Shocked. But he'll be alright. I gave him some pointers on how to handle his magic, but he grasped it very well for a beginner."

As soon as there was a plaster over the needle wound, Loki scurried off to see his brother.

There was a strange smell coming from the sitting room and Loki took a moment to identify it. Eggs. Boiled eggs.

He opened the door to find Thor sitting on the floor holding one, a little steam rising from it as he cooked it in his hand. He smiled when he saw Loki, but he still seemed a little troubled.

"Want one?" he asked.

"Sure," Loki said, coming to sit with him and selecting from the warm pile on the carpet, peeling off the shell and taking a bite.

"S'good," he mumbled. "Zingy."

Thor was quiet for a little while.

"You know, when I was a kid, I wished I was magic," he said eventually. "I wished that I could do what Mum and Dad did. And when I was growing up, I wished that I could do what you could. You were all so effortless and I was so jealous. And... Yeah, now I find out that I am magic after all. And all I can do is make breakfast."

Loki shuffled until his head was in Thor's lap, gazing up at him.

"I'm sure we can think of other things. You'll never need matches again for one thing. Or a kettle. Ooh, no cold bed ever again..."

Thor huffed out a sigh, but smiling with it, stroking Loki's hair.

"I'll be your living hot water bottle whenever you want, baby."

Loki let a little peace descend.

"I spoke to your parents," he said. "Explained a few things. A lot of things. Including us."

"How did they take it?"

"Surprisingly well. I think they're too happy that you're alive to care much about a little incest."

"Well, they have you to thank for that. Me being alive, I mean."

Loki looked up at his sad smile.

"Are you going to be alright?"

Thor shrugged.

"Yeah. In time."

"Would cuddles help?"

"Always."

Loki was in Thor's lap when Angela came in, very proud of herself. She'd set the rumour mill in motion. Several of the trashier newspapers would be covering her accusations against the state while the more respectable ones covered the house arrest of the entire Borson family. He couldn't help but admire her. She wasn't the terrible person he'd seen on the news. That was a character, a construct that she'd built to protect herself.

And he and Thor watched with interest as Amora came down from upstairs, shyly offering Angela some of her clothes to borrow since she was the only one under house arrest without a suitcase. If the little hand squeeze Thor offered was any indication, they were both thinking the same thing.

Having dinner, all of them in the dining room since there were just enough chairs, they felt like a family. A strange family, but still. Thor was occasionally holding Loki's hand, apparently just for the feel of it, and Amora was telling funny stories about the shop and Angela looked like she hadn't enjoyed herself this much in years. Even Odin let out a few chuckles. Frigga was smiling to herself. When Loki caught her eye, her smile only grew wider. It had to be quite a relief to have something so normal after such a day, he supposed.

It felt like home. Home and family and a brother... Wasn't that what his mother had promised he'd have?

She probably couldn't have imagined that it would have turned out this way, but he liked to think she'd be glad of it. He certainly was.


	40. Chapter 40

Loki was 29 when he 'officially' got back together with Thor.

They argued about it afterwards, of course. Thor insisted that it was a heart thing, not a sex thing, and Loki agreed but he maintained that the two had happened to coincide.

Frigga and Odin had evidently expected Loki and Amora to share Thor's old room with Angela in the loft and Thor down in the living room, but it became obvious that Thor was certainly not going to be denied Loki's company, not when he'd almost died, so they let the women have proper beds and dragged the two air mattresses downstairs.

And given a little privacy, cuddles led to kisses led to more. Loki still remembered the spell to prepare himself and Thor still remembered how he liked to be held and then it was really just a case of biology.

Thor kept their lips pressed together to muffle their moans, rolling sideways onto the carpet when the rubber of the air beds started to complain. Loki pressed and arched upwards, wanting, always wanting, safe and loved and...

Thor's hand was warmer than usual when he wrapped it around Loki's cock and his whole body convulsed, the feeling of Thor's power being used on him making him spill almost immediately, tugging Thor closer with both legs until he finished deep inside.

"You were right," Thor murmured. "I can think of other uses for my new abilities."

They were under house arrest for about a month, food being delivered by the police and frequent visits from journalists to see Angela. It was odd, seeing her out of her suits and in Amora's bright colours. Still very striking though. The rest of them stayed away from her window interviews.

There was fallout, of course. National scandal. Dr Helen and her lab were under great pressure from all sides, but they released the DNA results as soon as they could. All of them showed clear signs of being related and therefore there was a paper trail proving that the government had knowingly tried to marry off half siblings.

After public outcry and agreement from Odin, all the children were contacted and told the truth. Fifty in all, including Loki and Angela and all mages. They began having yearly gatherings. None of the Borson clan ever went. It was too strange, too close.

Of course, Odin and Frigga were also in trouble for concealing a magic user. From birth, no less, something no-one had even thought possible. The authority tried to prosecute, but public opinion was no longer on their side. They no longer saw dangerous people. They saw a very human perspective, parents trying to look after their child. They were fined, but not imprisoned.

Change can be slow, but sometimes it feels like a tide, unstoppable and steady. Mage rights became a hot political topic, the previous establishment all but ousted from power as the extent of their cruelty was revealed. That kind of rights abuse happened in other places, not at home, that was the prevailing view. It would take decades for everyone to come around, for embedded prejudice to be worked out, but it was a first step all the same.

Some people wanted Angela to run in the general election. She laughed and laughed at that. No, the Mage UK candidate would be a friend of hers, a face-changer named Sarah. Angela had found a new calling, a charity dedicated to helping troubled young mages, fundraising to finance summer camps and visits from prominent magic users, letting them know they weren't alone, that there was nothing wrong with them. Amora worked for her and they shared a flat. Loki wondered sometimes if there was more to their relationship than friendship, but he never pried. They could reveal it if they wanted.

It was strange. He had to be Loki Laufeyson again and it seemed he had almost forgotten how. He had to teach himself to feel safe, to stop looking over his shoulder. He went to live with Thor, of course. There was no question of anything else. The adjustment was hard. They had grown up, both of them, and so disagreements and arguments were stumbled on and fought through. It was difficult for them both, and yet their love found space to bloom as they grew accustomed to one another once more.

Thor had no interest in going into politics. He rejoined the police, as a general officer this time. He wanted to help people, to keep them safe. He had regular sessions to help him learn how to control his powers. Before long, he was using them all the time. A part of him. Natural. As it should be. It still thrilled Loki to see him boiling water with a touch, as though he wasn't thinking about it.

And Loki... Well, it took him a while to know what to do with himself. He tried to find work, but he couldn't really make anything stick. Eventually he decided to join Angela's little team. He wanted an administrative role, something that would do good but wouldn't mean having to work with actual kids. She made him head of correspondence.

Most of the time, he had to read the pleas for help, the calls for support, and send them on to the right people to handle each case. But the best ones came from those already helped. They wrote him letters. They sent pictures and notes of thanks, news of opportunities found, lives turned around. This was the underground now, above board and safe. It wasn't perfect - perfect is hard - but it was so much better than the past. And he wanted that. He wanted things to be better for the next generation. He wanted the suffering and degradation of mages to become a distant memory, his own part in it to be a mere footnote in the glorious history of mages and non-mages working together.

It was a Saturday morning when he intellectually realised he was happy. A gentle build of happiness culminating in a perfect moment that he couldn't help but savour. It was raining, drops hitting the window gently as he stirred, the perfect warmth of blankets enveloping him as he woke and stretched, rolling over and frowning when he didn't find Thor there.

Not for long. He appeared in the doorway with two mugs, resplendent in worn boxer shorts.

"Tea?"

"Mm. Kisses?"

"I thought they went without saying."

There was something magical in it. In being held and kissed and loved. Not in the way of spells or casting, but magic all the same. The fact that love existed in all its forms. Family, friendship, compassion, adoration... Amazing, really.

Thor's lips were warm and gentle, his touch familiar and safe.

You have to speak some spells out loud.

Others, you just feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there we go. Thank you so much for reading. A little experimental for me, but hopefully a satisfying ending. Hope you enjoyed it!


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